Confusication!

[Just Sara]

Confused Communication;

I sent my mum a msg today saying; "I'm getting some lunch and will be out afterwards" When I walked thru the door, she asked where her lunch was. "Umm..."

We had a laugh about it while I made her a sandwich. Miscommunication and misunderstandings are common with texting and msg's, especially with the amount of new mobile short-cut language now and gestures of smiley faces and the like. Emoticons are easier to identify but still may confuse people.

Writing here on BB can also be misconstrued or misinterpreted and cause some uncomfortable feelings; it's not easy to read between the lines.

Of course this happens face to face too, and can turn into an argument or disagreement when one person is trying to get something across and the other is confused. Anger, suspicion, fear or emotional hurt may follow.

I recently msg'd someone with a playful gesture and was responded to with a distant overtone. It upset me and made me wonder what I'd said to receive such an indifferent reply.

This person gained my trust thru positive gestures, words and phrases that gave me a sense of safety and trust. My msg was meant to engage in a non serious and playful manner, very different from previous msg's. It was my way of saying I felt more at ease, safe and relieved within our new found connection.

Men and women can communicate very differently, so 'confusications' between the sexes can erupt into all sorts of mis-read interpretations. After thinking about my playful words and gesture, it seemed it could've been interpreted as a proposal of becoming closer; more intimate. (Not sure actually) Time will tell.

Due to dealing with issues of anxiety and depression for instance, gestures and words can turn into the 'what ifs' very quickly. Panic about how to deal with such misunderstandings can escalate into major problem solving mode to confuse things even further. Then, collateral damage.

My son replied to me one day with; "ok..woteva" I rang him immediately. He told me he spoke like this to all his friends. I told him I found it disrespectful and hurtful, and not to use this language with me again.

Has anyone had any similar experiences like these?

[Just Sara]

Thankyou so much Star!

A very helpful post..

Much appreciated..Dizzy xo

[greywolf2]

Hey dizzy sara

I didn't get back to you last year, but liked what you wrote. I'm trying to post more because it forces me to learn how to talk better to people. I am distrusting of people, but that's because I've learned the hard way.

The thing I find with texts and posts, is believing the written word. We can have a whole defferent persona on here totally foreign to our normal selves. As someone who doesn't trust too easily, it's hard to get close or be open.

I sent a text to a family member who didn't get back to me for a week. When they did, I asked why. They said they had better things to do and shouldn't be expected to come running every time the phone rang.

I don't get this. Am I crazy? Was their excuse ok or not? I'm confused.

Grey

[Just Sara]

Good morning Grey and thankyou for posting here;

This thread is an older one but the topic is still relevant. Misunderstandings from texts and the like will occur and as the above posts show, it's usually due to issues like the lack of body language and facial expressions (face to face contact) when communicating.

Your story about the family member mustn't have been nice to hear. No you're not crazy ok? Some people are just rude, self centred and expect everyone to work around their routines or rules. This is an uncaring attitude and frankly, I wouldn't give them the time of day.

Trust and attention is earned, so blaming yourself for not being considerate enough isn't right. If your family member contacted you, would you reply as soon as you saw it, or ignore it and go about your day regardless? My guess is you'd reply yes?

We can't be expected to change ourselves to please others all the time. We can however, find people who are respectful and as attentive as we are to have in our lives. We can also tell the people who disrespect us about our feelings and try to discuss options that suit. By the sound of it though, this person probably wouldn't be open to understanding the consequences to others by their actions. (Or inaction)

Deciding who we communicate with as well as how we (both) communicate is a choice. Just because they're family, it doesn't mean they're immune to rules of courtesy and respect.

You're doing well by pushing yourself to learn better skills thru posting more often. Keep up the good work Grey.

Sara