Broke? oh that rotten feeling

[white knight]

I'm 58yo. When I was between 17 and 37yo I was always broke. Couldnt save a cent. I now know it was likely due to my mania. My impulsiveness saw me searching car yards for the dream car I didnt need and subsequently the better salesman sold me a car and the added loan for it. The loans built up and I had a real problem on my hands.

I was one of those people though that always paid his bills as soon as they arrived, which left me nothing to spend on transport, social outings or sometimes- food.  There were many weeks I'd live on 5 kgms of spuds, cooking chips every night or bubble and squeek.

I now look back and see financial management like parenthood. Most of us grow up thinking we know automatically how to manage it. New, young parents, they often dont even read a book about parenthood and they have a child to raise. Thankfully they get support now. Whereas when a 18yo gets a job its purely their upbringing with money management that is their saving grace...or their downfall. Or in some cases like mine, mental incapacity to control impulsiveness.

The modern world especially in the city doesnt help. Often couple purchase a homes and repayments are based on their dual incomes, one income goes so does their home. Banks and leading institutions lend money when they shouldnt. 30 years ago you wouldnt get a loan in many cases, now they sign you up. And we consumers cant resist that jet ski or 4WD.

There are some smart ideas you can adopt. eg buying a new car? if you are going to own the car long term consider a diesel. We have owned our Hyundai i30 diesel hatch for 6 years and travelled 270,000 kms. After 25,000 kms we saved $30 a tank having repaid the $2500 for a diesel. So we are now ahead around $9,000 and the car will last longer than a petrol car. A friend of ours purchased a 4WD and wont ever take it off road. We can travel 3 times further on one tank.

That is one answer. But a financial advisor is the expert we should seek when we slide off the rails. Depression will get much worse when the pressure of debts come home to roost. It is very common. One of my previous professions was debt collection. When the tow truck arrives to tow a car away, the owners can get hostile and upset. I could see that my arrival was the arrival they would always dread.

With depression you have erratic days in terms of health. You cant predict the return of those bad days or worse - hospitalsation. Income becomes effected. Give yourself the best chance. Seek help to sort it out

[white knight]

Hi CMF

It's been many years since my kids were young but they did have a basic computer game and wanted more. I settled for the Lion King and other DVD's like Harry Potter.

I refrained from getting the up to date units. Tough love is the best love. you cant judge one household to another, Different lives, incomes, child raising principles.

One doctor told me in conversation "he's never seen a child die from crying". Keep up with the cuddles but not with the Jones's.

[Jo3]

Hey CMF

When my husband was on a disability pension (almost 10 yrs ago) our children children kept asking us for all the toys that their friends had.  They even said one day - why can't we go to Queensland, all our friends go every school holidays.

I turned around and explained to them that their dad wasn't working and I wasn't working at the time either, so we could not afford to go on holidays.  They did understand eventually, I could not do anything else but to explain.  And do you know now my 3 children are 22, 21, and 18.  They have all gone to work part time at 15 while studying at school and they all saved up enough money to purchase their own cars when they turned 18.  There was no way that we could afford to buy a car each for them.  They now pay their own phone bill, their own registration, insurance and whatever else they need.

Am I being a terrible and hard mum - no I don't think so.  I give them love, support, happiness and a great family life.  They all live at home still and I am sure that they know the value of family.  They also understand the value of money and I hope they carry this on into their adulthood forever.

So CMF - don't be too hard on yourself, it's okay to not be like the Jones'.

I agree with Neil - tough love is the best love.

Take care

Jo

[HA1]

Hi CMF - its hard on most parents in this society where its all too easy for some children to get all the latest gadgets.  I guess you can't blame the parents for wanting to spoil their children, but I don't believe that it does them any good at all.

My view is that demonstrating restraint and explaining to the children why they can't have something, or everything, whenever they ask for it is a far more productive approach in the long term.  Life lessons sometimes require a bit of tough love.

I think you are doing the right thing - regardless of whether you can afford things or not.

Take care

K

[geoff]

dear Tony, another great post, one that has got away from me, but boy oh boy how true this is and all the supporting replies just indicate the truth behind it all.

When my ex then wife had left me I was living in the house by myself, a big house on property, but I was on a pension, so that's when the ******** hit the fan, had the pay the mortgage, car loan, electricity, gas bottles and my grog, so the credit cards built up, paying one off by another (never do this ), so eventually the banks stopped the credit cards only and called in the debt collectors, who constantly rang me everyday, so I was desperate, I needed some help, and I was in deep depression, and had been for a long time.

So I went to Anglicare who were a great help and stopped all the harassment calls, and I paid a small amount to debt collectors until the house was sold which happened so the debt collectors offered me a reduced amount to pay them out.

I have often mentioned Anglicare to people who are in financial trouble, because they were a free service but so helpful.

So the morale to the story is that credit cards are too dangerous when in financial trouble and definitely in depression, because they do go hand in hand. Geoff.