Best attitude for recovery

[white knight]

There is a quote from the bible (I'm not religious.) "Forgive them for they not know what they do"

And that quote is so important for your recovery because it frames others, those that can harm you, into a mental pigeon hole where you can more easily deal with them.

We are talking about your recovery here.

A large percentage of the public don't know much about mental illness or think they know but don't. Not to mention you have a unique personal issue that these "experts" generalise. If all depressed people were the same psychiatrists would join the dole queue after a master recovery manual was printed.

Its well documented in these forum pages one of my suggestions for recovery is to keep toxic people at bay. But...there is a big difference in how you view these people from your own perspective. "What is the best perspective we can have that aids our recovery?

Blame is not the best. Blame means its their fault. How can the majority of the population be at fault over them not being able to have sufficient vision to understand an illness of the mind, an invisible injury? You do not want to spend your thoughts of your life on blaming so many people.

Acceptance is best. This way we can indeed judge the naive, the uneducated, the conteptable, the judgemental, the inflictor of harm (maybe) as being an inferior being. This manner is akin to justifiably being arrogant!! On this topic only.

Arrogance in this case is for your mental well being so is used as a priority but not aired.

To forgive them but still not have them in your life is to create peace for yourself but to take action as well. This means there is two major actions to help you progress. Add time to that mix and peace arrives faster with far greater contentment whereas blame will linger.

Forgiveness is a major release and progressor of your mind. It is also a way of being kind- a mentality of a "feel good" feeling. You can be like this AND eliminate others from your life if you decide.

You'll more likely happily greet that toxic person in the street and quickly say goodbye rather than cross earlier to avoid. See the difference?

Best of both worlds.

Tony WK

[Elizabeth CP]

I agree with you Tony. Forgiveness is not about deciding if the person deserves forgiving but freeing yourself from the corrosive feelings that come from not forgiving. & most important forgiving doesn't mean putting yourself in the position of being hurt again. o

Today I rang my son for some help & I thought I could learn from his reply. He agreed to help but not until he'd spent time with his wife & sons. If the roles were reversed my typical response would be to fit in with the other person ignoring my own needs or priorities. In my son's case he was clear about his priorities (I could wait even though I prefered not to. The lesson to me was that I need to be clear about my own priorities & it is OK to put my own needs first.

[white knight]

Yes, like you Elizabeth I have always put others first.

Why do we do this? I've thought long and hard about it without a clear conclusion. Is it mental illness related? Personality related? I've thought of the possibility that us that "pander" to others due to our high level of consideration for others do so at risk. Often men see over considerate male friends as weak, like we need their mateship.

Then there is the trap for us types to expect a return commitment of a similar level of what we provide.

In my case having a narcissist mother, some of her attitudes have rubbed off on me. This results in a self loathing that I'm yet to conquer.

I still can though work on the attitude to limit issues and get the best out of myself

Hence this thread.

Tony WK