Advice please, my bucket gets full

[white knight]

Stress, my family's word we used for a few decades to describe the feeling that seemed so crippling.

The symptom that is most obvious if all is the brain entering a confused state. At that point thinking at all is limited to such a low level I can just mutter the words "I don't know" when asked what is wrong.

An example. My dear wife asks me where here umbrella was. I reply I don't know but am aware I used it last. So I begin a search. She joins me in the garage to tell me she recalled we took it when we attended the gym recently. Confusion builds as I'm forced to push my (short term) memory beyond its limits. Frustration ever present.

The phone rings. Its a local man asking about fire station issues. The the bucket overflows when we have one if our many power outages. My poor wife, she cops it when she asks, while I'm busy lifting, refuelling and starting the generator "did you find the umbrella"?

i know this is life. It was worse when I worked. To little time. Now I have time but the overflowing bucket is an event almost daily.

Once the bucket overflows I cannot think clearly, I go into shutdown mode. I can only occupy my mind with one thing only...eg the generator in this case as it is a priority. And I'll get wet too as I haven't found the umbrella yet. Lol

At this point my wife knows she cannot discuss anything as I'm incapable of thinking beyond what in doing. When you have a living partner that talks aloud you indeed have an issue..." Wow look at that bird over there". I look, I get more frustrated as looking has diverted my attention from the generator so I raise my voice in frustration, wife gets angry and says "I was talking to myself". I return to the garage at a fast frustrating pace as I'm trying to get everything on my mind done and I trip over an object on the ground...head butts the roller door on my way to the floor. Object I tripped over I'm staring at on the floor.,.is the umbrella...

So, diagnosis has been accurate as bipolar 2, depression and dysthymia. Meds, mood stabilisers and low level if anti depressants the latter can't be raised as it makes me manic.

Do any of you have this stress problem and more directly the feeling that your mind has reached its maximum ability to absorb any more information and is in a state of confusion. It is debilitating.

The overflowing bucket.

Tony WK

[JessF]

Hello Tony, I think it is ok to just be able to concentrate on one thing at a time! I was reading recently about multi-tasking, and how some new research has shown that it's not actually a very good idea. You end up missing things and not doing any of the tasks to the best potnetial. Add a stressful or anxious nature into that, and you have a recipe for disaster.

There's a tv programme I saw a while back called Brain Games that started out with some footage of a basketball match. They asked you to concentrate on the game and count the number of times the ball was passed between players. Then they played it a second time and asked, did you see the man in the gorilla suit walking across the middle? I hadn't - almost no one does, apparently. Proof that our brains aren't so good at trying to do multiple things.

That's gone off on a bit of a tangent maybe but perhaps what I'm trying to say is that I don't think there is anything wrong with you. You are talking about a very human limitation, what sounds like the issue is how much it is causing you upset. It sounds like your wife is understanding for the most part.

[Starwolf]

Hi Tony,

An interesting, important thread. Thank you.

It sometimes all gets too much, doesn't it ? Having lived both in techno advanced nations and remote civilisations, I have found that we "civilised" people have created for ourselves a pace of life poorly suited to the human brain.

No wonder it sometimes shuts down. I believe it is its way of putting an end to the overload, refusing to take anything else on board. Self-preservation, I think. Overload already comes with the mental/emotional illness territory. As sufferers, we are prone to this "overflowing bucket" syndrome. Adding to it has its hazards.

It seems you are doing the right thing by refusing take on too many simultaneous concerns. Being pressured to stretch our limits is irritating. I have found that frustration/anger at not coping, feeling pressured and overwhelmed only adds to the overload. So I refuse to be swayed by it and retreat to the eye at the center of the cyclone until the situation clears. Multi tasking may work out for mindless, routine activities. More demanding ones need single-minded attention.

I have had to create a bubble against which all unwanted outside stimulations come to a halt. I lock myself in there, focused on one thing at a time. Of course emergencies do happen but generally, the rest will just have to take turns and wait. There is something comforting in remaining at peace while those claiming immediate attention feel frustration at being put on hold. If I give in, frustration will then be on my side and yes, I could end up whacking my head against something and having to do nothing at all for a while.

Easier said than done ? I agree. It has demanded persistence and a lot of practice. But like all habitual behaviour, it eventually becomes automatic...effortless.

[white knight]

Thankyou jessf and starwolf. That is making me feel better. And it makes sense.

Tony WK

[blondguy]

Hey Tony, I remember a 'shock jock' Stan.......from Sydney that used to do drive on 3AW and kept on repeating that there "was no such thing as stress". This used to really bug me a lot even though I am still criticized for being 'stressed' occasionally.

I had a Div1 Grade 3 registered nurse (very senior rank) as a partner a few years ago that ran a huge emergency department in Melb. Even though I knew my 'bucket' was getting full she would always let me know ....just before...and I would let her know same (and she had zero depression/anxiety) Interesting?

I quit Facebook years ago when I discovered that their entire board of directors and the next level of senior management didnt have a FB page. Not 1. My 'bucket' overflowed even being in senior corporate for many years once I viewed the Facebook Directorate swear under oath to congress that they choose to envoke their right to privacy......This really burst my bubble and made my bucket overfill....I had reached the 'peak' of what I could understand and concentrate on....I am far from perfect but when I see 30 guys who run FB stand up in $3000 suits and say that they 'choose' not to have a FB account is a huge red flag to me.

I tripped over the umbrella as well Tony, thats why I will leave FB to the agonizing aunts and the grandparents saying hello to their grand kids.

I hope I wasnt speaking Swahili

Great Topic Mr T. Paul 🙂

[white knight]

Hi Paul

I hear you friend but Facebook has made it's mark on some if our lives.

My motorcycle club that I helped start runs purely on fb. Because if thus there are no fees.

I withdrew from fb for 6 months a few years back. That did more harm than good to my life. See, its great for interstate family contact, instant photos without the need to go through a photo server that now are full if advertisements and to be add free you have to pay.

I now limit my fb usage. Better management has proven good. My stress issues relate to several things happening at once and trying to do them all....to save the world. I have to slow down and stop being Superman.

I had 10 free psych visits last year. She said..."tony you know all the theory...its putting it into practice is the issue".

At 60yo my abilities to put things into practice is fading.

And his name is Stan Zumanuck. Nasty on radio but apparently loved by many. He survived the Sydney to Hobart yacht race ...the one that claimed several lives.

I recall him saying stress doesn't exist. He wound people up.

Thanks.

Tony WK

[blondguy]

Hi Tony, you are spot on with FB, there are many bonuses to having it. When you said about better management being a way to handle FB I do remember this helped me as well.

I am right with you on putting ideas/mechanisms into practice. I have difficulty in this area too at 56. Isnt getting older fun!

My kindest

Paul

[white knight]

Paul

Best management practices you'd know too well coming from the corporate world.

Yet we struggle to manage our minds. If we have say 4 tasks ahead of us some of us prioritise them. I noticed my wife doesn't. Unless its critical she remains steadfast.

I'll try to take a leaf out of her book

Tony WK

[Just Sara]

Hey Tony;

I thought I'd give this thread a look-see due to similar issues in the past. It sometimes hits now and then to my frustration and disappointment. But not anywhere near where it used to be.

In stressful situations, there's an individual bell curve. Mine would start slight, and gradually rise while I tried tirelessly to breath through it, self talk, then loudly mumble, and eventually cry or yell (maybe curse) At the summit my stress levels would peak and I'd be hit with a major panic attack. Med's were necessary to start the decent while I lay down rugged in a blanket waiting for relief.

My bell curve isn't as scary these days due to management strategies that include recognising when I'm at risk of overload. If my memory is causing problems, confusion or head spins are re-occurring, I know not to push myself to do too much at once. I do a mindless activity like wash-up or clean the toilet to ground and get out of my head; anything with my hands actually.

Any issue that includes decisions especially, I stay clear of at these times. The frustration of not being able to cope as I used to is more upsetting than the activity itself. Once I tell myself; "I'm ok; I'm allowed to have an off day, let the (umbrella) find itself" the pressure begins to decline. But alas, not always.

One of the worst things I do is create a to-do list for that day. If I divert from it, I can berate myself or get really confused and flustered. I know not to drive at these times. So I try to have a to-do list I can just randomly pick from and check in with now and then over a week or so. I've made a deal with myself not to get upset if I don't do everything on the list.

I accept now, my cognitive abilities aren't what they used to be...end of story. However, I do congratulate myself for progress or coping with stress well.

Keep on keeping on...go you good thing!

Dizzy x

[white knight]

Hi dizzy

Thanks for that valuable piece.

The note taking has been tried, never worked as I'd forget to read them.lol

Other than that you have some sound ideas. 🙂

Tony WK