Accepting yourself, the frog and the scorpion

[white knight]

As part of your "staying well" program, accepting yourself for being YOU is crucial, almost a fundamental need if you want to move forward with your life and put your illness behind you in terms of the worry. Your goal should be to get on with life with your illness as part of you, your meds taken as part of a nightly ritual barely entering your mind.

Those that don't know about the "frog and the scorpion" story briefly it goes like this.

A scorpion eager to get to the other side of the river asked a frog to transport him there in his back. The frog refused telling the scorpion that he'd sting him once he got there and he'd die. The scorpion insisted he wouldn't kill him so the frog took him to the other side. Almost at the bank the scorpion sung the frog and before dying the frog asked the scorpion (that was drowning)why he did that as he pledged he wouldn't....the scorpion replied "because its in my nature"....then both died

The story has an almost daily place in my thoughts because all day everyday there are behaviours and actions, thoughts and fears that are there due to our "nature". We are who we are,..to an extent. That doesn't mean that if we rob a bank and get caught we say to ourselves "well that's me, I'm a bank robber and so be it, I wont change". It means that some of our characteristics, our responses, our humour our judgements and so on are essentially how we individually operate often like no other person on this planet. Every person has their right to individuality, there is no other like you (twins and triplets excluded) and there never will be.

We should, as part of "staying well" value that, cradle it, nurture it and ...promote it within you and to everyone around you.

How do we carry out this? Baby steps is essential.  I notice this uniqueness among many. Jess Rowe a channel 10 celebrity (and BB ambassador) has a loud snort when she laughs. It's her, it is not intentional and some might find it unsavoury. She has mentioned it at times, that "it's me". It indeed is and I find that snort hilarious. I don't see it as a reason to dislike her...but some would.

We live in a judgemental world and some will never accept us for being ourselves. We need that to sink in. We cannot "save the world" by wanting a blanket acceptance.

So should we be the frog or the scorpion? Well the scorpion survives right! But we are not scorpions, we the ones on these pages are frogs that need to develop a little more wisdom wary of who you oblige.

Tony WK

[Simona]

this is a top value thread. as always i'm striving to stay well.  i accept myself and have no issues with who i am.  my diet is very zen as i mainly eat raw nuts and berries except for 1 cooked meal day but today i just ate sushi. i feel this is very complimentary to remaining stable.  

[Elizabeth CP]

Hi
I just read this thread and it struck a chord with me. There are some great points

I read a book on perfectionism a while ago. One of the thing discussed was how in our society we tend to think we need to be some sort of ideal person. Obviously that person has the perfect body- beautiful or handsome, they can do everything perfectly and get on well with everyone. The problem is that ideal'' person doesn't exist. As you mentioned everyone is unique and according to the book we each have a unique purpose in this life. This fits with what Tony said in that by accepting our own characteristics we are able to use them to be the
person we are meant to be thus benefitting ourselves and society.  The confident extroverted people make great salespeople or leaders etc whereas the quiet person who has had a difficult life develops empathy and is able to help others. Like Shelley I have difficulty knowing who I am & accepting myself. In my case I have spent so much time caring for my children, my mother and now my husband that I don't really know who I am outside this role and more troubling what do I like doing when I am not with the people I care for.  

The important message to me from this thread is that I need to accept myself as I am rather than worrying about not being like other people. I used to wish I was like my sister. She always had lots of friends and was good at the practical things I was bad at like sports, sewing and craft things and just making things look good whether this was in choosing clothes to put together or arranging things in a room. She was always generous and knew what to do to make people happy. I need to accept that I will never be like my sister but own skills and talents are just as worthwhile. That process of acceptance is ongoing 

[white knight]

Hi,

A common thread for some seems to be the swaying towards idolising others. This could be for so many reasons like: lack of confidence, the belief of what popularity is, others perceived as being stronger/more confident and perhaps the others idolised are favourites with others like parents.

Many years ago I developed a sense of value...well a principle of value. Let me explain. Lets compare some people-

Captain Cook when alive he made significant world discoveries.

At the same time a soup kitchen volunteer in London cut up vegetables and cooked them for the homeless

And in North England a sheep farmer with only a small flock of sheep and his sheep dog herded 3 into a coral to take to market to sell.

Which of the 3 were more important? Important to whom? Lets say- to society....

Most would say Cook was. But I would say all are. See, the sheep farmer wasn't intelligent enough to do anything else than farm. That isn't his fault. He wasn't born with the adventure in his blood. So he did his best to earn a living and contribute towards society. The soup kitchen volunteer saw an organisation that needed her two hands and little else but her kindness.  She did her best to contribute towards society. Her efforts were valuable.

Cook, was able to utilise his qualities to discover new lands so England could spread out. But in my mind he is no more valuable than the other two. Being born with the family means to be educated or have opportunities not gifted to the other two is good luck for Cook. But some in the world work 10 times harder and are 100 times worse off. In the human world unlike the animal world, the strongest don't necessarily survive better.

This leads me to my point. If you have what seems, a shallow identity, one that we have been referring to, and you make effort in society and try hard, then you have good reason to value yourself as much as others are valued that are more prominent in society. You can idolise your sister for her qualities. She might become a doctor and you a cleaner...but if the cleaner does their job well and with pride then the people are safeguarded against disease and that is just as important.

Society is one word to describe a whole range of people. Take one occupation or one small group of people out of it and it is unstable and will wobble until man stabilises it once more with changes.

Value your role in society by valuing your input as much as other people. Idolise yourself.

Tony WK

[Elizabeth CP]

I agree with you except I'm going to stick up for the sheep farmer. He was very intelligent. He had been taught how to rear sheep from a young age and had learnt the value of hard work and responsibility from his parents. As a result he provided well for his family through his hard work and taught his children the same sso over time his teachings were passed down to his descendants who were all good members of society working hard and bringing up their children well and these descendents have had a positive effect on many people they have interacted with. So don't underestimate the impact each of us can have in our society no matter what our position in life.  

[white knight]

Yes, agree Elizabeth. My words didn't come out too well.

Intelligence in the form of higher education was what I meant but you are right, university education isn't a gauge of intelligence but more an ability to pass the educational tests.

So we agree, that the farmer is just as important as Cook.

Tony WK

[JessF]

I think another important thing to note is that acceptance of self is a life long thing that can ebb and flow, because we change as people.  I can think of several times in my life where I have struggled with the "who am I" identity crisis.  As life circumstances change, people come and go, jobs come and go, our surroundings change, we adapt along the way, sometimes for better and sometimes for worse.  

Sometimes just as we feel we are sure of our place in the world, something will come along to rock those foundations and send us on that inner quest again.  Going through this process is difficult and challenging in itself, and we should try not to make it worse by feeling that we are a failure for having to ask ourselves these questions more than once as the years go by. 

[white knight]

Accepting myself has certainly arrived. It has taken a long long time.

Perseverance isnt easy for some, the word itself presumes a long term commitment. So how do we perservere? If we unravel that secret we can be productive in getting to accept ourselves.

There ideally should be short, medium and long term goals in your life plans. Accepting yourself is a long term change. It wont happen overnight.

But it will come with focus and determination

Tony WK

[Guest_128]

Never trust any dog with a child!😳

[white knight]

Hilarious

[Ggrand]

Hi WhiteKnight,

just tagging this thread WK. will read later. Not up to it atm. I can't accept who I am atm, I want to get better, before I can accept me. Is that possible, I'm a little worried if I accept me now. I will stay how I am. Does this make sense? Or with acceptance now, (once I learn how to), will that make for a better me.

hoping I made sense.

Kindness only

GG.