When/ how to come out? I am 40.

[Toots81]

I’ve know Im bisexual all my life really… but 2 failed marriages (to men) later and I am finally in a really happy relationship with another woman. However none of my family know, and none of her family know.

My family are very religious and I can’t imagine my mum understanding. Im really reliant on my family for support with my kids as I’m a single mum. My girlfriend isn’t ready to come out either, and we have spoken about when would be the right time. We’re thinking sometime toward the end of the year… but as yet we’re both too nervous about our family and friends’ reactions.

The problem is that I work away from her for a few nights a week and I miss her so badly. Everyone thinks I’m nuts because I seem to miss my bestie so much! (It seems if she was my boyfriend it’d be easier because I could say I’m sad cos I’m missing them) even though I have zero attraction to men at the moment and have a really happy relationship with my girlf.

anyway, my question really is: to come out earlier than planned just so I can have some support when I’m missing her? Or stick to the plan because the response I get is probably going to be negative anyhow 🤷‍♀️

[geoff]

Hello Toots, let's imagine you had a breakup with a husband, wouldn't you seek comfort from a close girlfriend during this time, well you wouldn't be any different than anybody else because they support you.

You have had two failed marriages so what I've said would support this, and do you have to tell them that you're bisexual, it's only natural to say that you're missing her because she comforts me rather than the two failed marriages.

If your family is religious then any other concepts would be frowned upon or not accepted so it then leaves you with a narrow room to move, but you are yourself and entitled to be what you want to be, especially after losing two marriages.

Take care.

Geoff.

[casisempathetic]

You should come out when you're ready, on your terms, and not a second earlier

In my experience anyone who's love for you is conditional, and requires you to fall into their pre existing understanding of you, isn't worth having but its definitely tough to maintain

Best of luck, you can do this ❤️

[Trans22]

Come out when it feels right for you.  Be positive and confident when/if you decide to come out.  You might be surprised at how many people accept you for you.