New here, first forum post, feeling blue

[Cam1313]

Hi all, iv had depression since I was 17, 34 now, just thought I’d send a post as I’m feeling pretty down atm, i have very bad self esteem, no friends or guides to listen to, I’m sure there those worse off than I, though, just feeling depressed lately, trapped in a life iv made for myself, I don’t work, so iv little or no money to go out places, I study though, working at getting qualified in educational support, I lost many teeth over the years, and need a partial plate, but cannot possibly get dental treatments to correct them, it makes me feel gross and ugly, and I can never hope to enjoy a simple kiss, I’m gay as well, live in a place with little hope of finding a suitable boyfriend, not that think anybody would look at me, lately been thinking about all the things I forgot to do over the years, feel lost, and have ruined any chance of happiness for myself, I don’t drive, or own a car, jobless, low self esteem, and miserable all the time, I hardly leave the house, and feel like I’m wasting away, to many nights alone and unwanted, I’d like to feel good about myself and can’t see any way out, it’s like the movie insidious, and I’m a ghost, trapped in a cold, dark loop, doomed to helpless loneliness, unable to escape. I have no dreams or aspirations for myself anymore, everything I ever wanted for myself has faded away, I wanted to travel, dance slowly with my sweetheart, have a decent income, and have freedom to enjoy life, now I just seem to exist with no purpose, iv lost my sense of self in the process, just venting really, sorry about all my doom and gloom, if anyone has any advice, how to claw myself out of this pit, that would be lovely, I’d like to feel human again as I once did when I was younger and had time, opportunity, freedom, and love ahead of me, I need to have thousands of dollars worth of dental treatments, resulting in a partial plates (and not feel like a monster) ,learn to drive and afford a car, find a job that pays decent wages, somehow find the strength to leave the house and make friends, get my own place to live, and get to know who I am once more, sorry again for the vent, it always cold, grey, and miserable where I am

[Ronniefm]

Hi Cam An idea came to me that might help It might help to set a goal It has taken you years to get to this situation so it won't fix overnight How about doing some handyman jobs like gardening ect. You could charge $20 an hour Work 3 days a week and you migh earn an extra $100 in pay That's $5000 a year Wow! Small steps m8 And the big plus you will come home feeling worthwhile That's important because in our living you get back what you give out Hey I did 2 hours this morning for $45 cash and I have 3 customers weekly In 3 years you would have a new life. . and you might have turned things around Cheers