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My estrange mum’s partner

Community Member

Hello there, ok so just over a year and four months ago my mum decided to walk out on my father. They had been married for a bit over twenty three years and she started to emotionally cheat on my dad with another man.

Now her and that other man are no longer together for many personal reasons.

However she is now engaged to someone who somewhat confuses me and I need some insight on this issue and situation.

He is a man, biologically. However, when he feels like it he will wear women’s clothing. He admitted that he is never going to pursue any hormone tablets or undergo any surgical procedures to help him change his gender. However, he identifies as a female and shares photos of women kissing women all over his profile on a certain social media platform. Bare in mind he doesn’t always wear females clothing by the looks of it and yet he still identifies as a female yet he isn’t going to do anything about his genitalia. I’m very confused? This individual does not have any breasts etc. Could someone please provide some insight to this issue for me as I am really truly confused and don’t know if my mother is going through a midlife crisis or something.

My mother, who now heavily smokes and drinks calls herself a lesbian. Yet she sleeps with this individual who is biologically a man. And they only dress in women’S clothes when he or she feels like it. Yet my mother told me years ago that if I were to turn out gay or bisexual that she should be very disappointed in me. I’m very confused. She has no contact with me and posts older photos of me on her Facebook, from when I was a little bit younger that sleazy old men comment ‘sexy’ and ‘hot’ underneath and she says ‘thank you’ as if to say that’s ok to objectify and speak about my only child in a disgusting and vile way.

When she left, way back with her first partner, whom tried to hit on me by rubbing my legs, she told me to ‘get f*cked’ and stuck her finger up at me as the car drove off.

I don’t feel safe around her and any men or individuals she is dating or associating with because she always speaks to individuals that sexualise her and sometimes me.

looking for answers,


6 Replies 6

Community Member

Hi PSYCHEDELICFUR , thank you for posting this .

I feel deeply sorry that you have this happening in your life . I don't understand the why . ( I am older trans woman ) As you probably have read here that pretty much everything is OK. It has a caveat and that is " as long as it is not dangerous hurtful or disrespectful " . It sounds to me that your situation is all of those things .

I don't know much about the law but talk to your dad , perhaps that is something to look at ? ( or not ) . You need to and be safe .

Lol from the never never , Jo&LD

Hey there Jo8049, how are you? Thank you for replying to my thread. Wow. You sound like such a strong and amazing person. Thank you again for providing some insight. I have nothing against people who are any of those things. I am just really very confused and needed some insight.

And instead of making assumptions I am trying to look for answers that may help me change or see this situation from a different perspective.

thanks again,


I live with my dad and he is great!! He is one of my best friends.. I just feel uncomfortable around any new men or individuals she associates herself with. Because in the past other strangers whom she has associated herself with have been very creepy and sleazy. And I don’t want to be involved in that scene.

Community Member
I am speaking to my psychologist today again. He has been very helpful. And my dad is great support and so is my aunties.

Nobody has caused any problems for me. I am just trying to find out how I can understand this situation more. 🙂

Just confused and need some insight.

Community Member
I’m definitely in a safe place where I am living. My dad and other family are so supportive and I love em so much! I am going to Uni and pursuing my studies. I just want some insight. As I am very very confused.