Little confused

[Em_Louise]

Hey! I’m relatively new here, but it seems like a really supportive platform!

I’ve begun to question my sexuality a little bit and I think I might be bisexual, but I’m too scared to settle on a label if that makes sense.

Im very grateful that my parents would be supportive if I did come out, but I’m too scared that maybe I’m not, I would hate to label myself as bi just to find out I’m straight, idk it feels wrong to the community 😕

But some background: unfortunately because of a lack of representation, I’ve barely even known (or not known but like been involved or new people who were apart of) the (LGBT+) community, and during high school I made friends who were openly gay or bi, but it was never something I thought about like ever, I just assumed I was straight because I know I like boys. I’m 18 now and for the past year or so (after a friend came out actually) I’ve started thinking, maybe that feeling and admiration is a little more. I’m just confused as to if I’m just like admiring or finding girls beautiful or if I’m actually attracted. Every time I think I can say yes you are bi, I question myself like ....but are you really? People always say to take your time or labels aren’t for everyone. But I’m still pressured because everyone seems to know by 14 or earlier from who I know, and I’m scared that I’m making up these feelings. Which, by making them up, would probably make me a bad person? I’m not sure 😞

I hope this makes a little sense! I just want to know if other people feel like this because it’s so confusing.

thank you for reading and possibly responding, sending love! Xx

[jess334]

Hi Em Louise,

Welcome to the forums! I'm glad you've been finding it supportive.

I think there are a lot of people who aren't sure of their sexuality straight away. And a ton more who experiment with different experiences before they decide. And then others who choose to never pick a label and are more fluid.

I wouldn't worry about offending the LGBTQI community. Yes there are some small minded people (just like in any other community), but tge majority just want everyone to be themselves, whatever that is!

[Em_Louise]

Hello!

sorry I was unable to respond earlier, but thank you for replying, it’s really nice (well not nice ‘nice’ but comforting in a way) to go through the forum and know some people are also a bit confused.

Its true what you’re saying about experimenting and taking the time you need, and I need to remember to keep it in mind, while it can feel pressuring in a way, it’s mostly pressure I put on myself unknowingly. Everyone who I have talked to have been very lovely and understanding and remind me to take my time and see what’s right, which is really nice to hear!

Thank you again xx

[Littlebluescent]

Hi Em Louise,

I can totally sympathise with you. When I first started questioning my sexuality, I was 25 (there were signs earlier in hindsight) and what you mention here is exactly how I felt then. The pressure of having a label and also dealing with impostor syndrome is very real. If you feel that bi is right for you, then you have a right to adopt that for yourself. At the same time, you don't have to adopt any label if you don't feel it is necessary, but I understand the validity that comes along with labelling yourself.

There is definitely no rule of thumb when it comes to the age you question your sexuality. There are people who've identified as straight their whole life, only to have fallen for someone of the same sex later in life. At the end of the day, love is love regardless of gender. This feeling dissipates as you grow more and more into your sexuality. As for myself, at first, I settled for the label 'queer' because it is more of an umbrella term and my sexuality is fluid. The LGBTQI+ community welcome those who are questioning also. I know how daunting it is. Unfortunately, there are a few people within the community that aren't very nice to those within their own community, but there are plenty within the community that will welcome you with open arms.

I can suggest a couple of books that helped me with understanding my sexuality:
Can everyone please calm down by Mae Martin (also on Audible)

The ABC's of LGBT+ by Ashley Mardell (Also on Audible)

Best of Luck!

[Jazzyjas]

Hi Em! I think that everybody's individual experience is different and we all process things in our own ways but I found that the best way to discover yourself is time and experience. I was 20 before I really started to explore my sexuality and I found that the only way that I could work through the uncertainty was to experiment and explore said sexuality. A simple date with somebody lovely may be all it takes to understand more of yourself. The other thing to know, is that you cant pressure yourself to have all of the answers because you might not have them for a long time, and that's okay!

[Haggisinoz]

Hi Em,

I am please to see you are getting lots of good advice and support here.

It's such a personal experience in exploring your sexuality and one that is very individual and unique to each person. Personally as a gay man I am not a fan of labels at all because I don't like being pigeon holed into one section of society. When I first discovered I was gay when I was 16 it was equally one of the most happiest and challenging times of my life. I was so happy to realise who I was and that the thoughts and emotions I was experiencing was normal and I that I wasn't alone. Equally I soon started to realise that I didn't fit into the gay scene and I didn't have the same values as most other gay men.

I think you have to take your time and be kind to yourself and follow what feels right for you. Don't feel pressured to act in a certain way by anyone else, just do what's right for you and feel happy to explore your sexuality in any way you feel comfortable in your own time. If your gut instinct is telling you its not right or the right time for you then it probably isn't. It's all about exploring what you feel comfortable with, don't feel pressured.

Everyone is hear for you anytime in the future if you ever need to reach out, take care ; )