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I wish there was another word.

Community Member

I have recently figured out that I'm - for lack of a better word - "bisexual". Is there anyone else who doesn't feel like this is quite the right word for them? Yeah, okay, I am attracted to both genders... but it's not about their gender, it's about personality. I don't fall in love with men or women - I fall in love with people. I feel like "bisexual" implies that I'd have sex with anyone, you know? Anyway, it probably doesn't matter that much but just something I was thinking about.

Also, it is difficult feeling this way in a small community. I am not open about my sexuality here. My family know, and a couple of close friends... but I would like to experience living in a bigger city where there are more people who feel this way. Though I think it would take a bit of getting used to, saying "Hi... I'm bi!" Even writing it here feels quite weird, because it's new.

Anyway. Guess I just wanted to have a go at poking my toe out of the "closet"... πŸ™‚

PS. I have no idea how to flirt with girls. Anyone have any tips? (grin)

7 Replies 7

Community Member

Dear Amelia,

Would "multi-sexual" really be any better ?   The only dilemma bi-sexuals seem to have is who to partner up with, who to trust and who to avoid ?  But you are right - it's the personality that we are attracted to, up to a point.

Actually "multi-sexual" might be more of a Mormon thing - having multiple wives.   Never could figure that one out - one man, 6 wives, 20 odd children, might be doing fine until you factor in 6 mother in laws.   Kind of tough situation.

A lot of the time relationships are just about being happy.   My brother had a partner that was 18 yrs younger and they were treated with great scepticism and mistrust by my family.  No one ever thought it would last.  OK, it only lasted 6 years but that's still 6 years of happyness.  Better than some situations.

Why don't you write to a woman's mag about tips for flirting with girls and being bi ? They might do a whole double spread, so to speak.  Lol.  (subtle joke my friend).

Adios, David.

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

dear Amelia, I'm so pleased that you come out and said this, because I always thought that you may have been a lesbian, so I was only half right. LOL

No one can dictate as to what sexual tendencies anyone has, and you certainly can't change them, and it's been going on for centuries.

The only people who condone it is our politicians, but look at our economy, no more needs to be said.

It's not taboo any more, and I can't give you an answer as to how a girl romances another girl, but I can give you ideas as to how to flirt with a male, what did I say a girl flirt with a male, where are they, certainly not lined up at my door.

If you move to a bigger town there would be places in the phone book or newspaper which would give you ideas or try and google lesbian sites.

Maybe this is what you need to express yourself in your own way. Good luck. L Geoff. x

Community Member

Hi Amelia, Yep Personality is a big part..I hope your keep poking your toe a little at a time out πŸ˜‰ it does get better. Maybe this will help on the old flirting side..good luck TC 



Community Member

Dear Amelia,

Flirting is basically asking a mundane question in an ordinary situation without any preparation, i.e. "Is this bus always late ?",  "So much colder today - guess the weather man/woman got it wrong again" or even "Did you know that the dog trainer on the musical movie that Warners Bros made in 1962 called 'The Music Man' which was based on the popular Broadway show that had over 1300 performances has the same surname as the British Prime Minister Tony Blair ?".

Just simple everyday stuff that starts a conversation.

Adios, David.

David I hope all that "burnt Pav" wasn't really flirting jks of course!... Want some Pav Wink Wink!   :).

Community Member
Found 2 URLs

Hi Amelia,

I have difficulty with the whole labeling concept myself. Two terms that might suit better than bisexual could be pansexual or demisexual? 

Pansexuality suggests more that you'd be attracted to all gender identities, including trans and those that choose to not identify as either gender, therefore your attraction has little to do with a person's gender.

Demisexual suggests that you "don't judge a book by it's cover" and don't have any sexual attraction to the things that you can instantly assess, such as looks and gender etc. So once a demisexual gets to know a person, they become sexually attracted to the person through the relationship they've built with them.  <

Personally, I just don't like to get caught up in labels. I've noticed through friends and stories, attractions and orientations can change over time, my partner always considered herself straight until quite recently, it's easy to get caught up in calling yourself something and then feeling trapped. People change, and that's okay! 

For the sake of simplicity in conversation, when I'm telling people (although similarly, I probably have about... 1 leg out of the closet) I usually just tell them about my partner, just saying like "my partner and I blah blah blah and she this and that" and just let them decide what I am - I think most just decide I'm a lesbian. If somebody asks my sexual orientation I usually just say bisexual, as it's just well understood. 

Good luck!

Community Member

another word?

Queer....  maybe it has been used as a derogation term in the past.. but seems to have been taken back and empowered.

the debate goes on about labels terms and what each group in the lgbtiq community thinks of each other,, let it

 i say i'm queer from today..  i say i'm open for a chin wag about what i am and what i believe in, let people ask, might make some new friends...whilst im not going to become a lesbian of intersex the use for me of queer means i understand empathize and support all members of this community and am part of it..

 so yeah im queer as, thanks for asking it dont mean im a a bed hopping maniac, it means im me, and hopefully people get to se that i am strong respectful inteligent and capable of different love,