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Feel like I guilt-tripped myself into becoming more bisexual
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During my school years, I was mostly straight. I occasionally had moments of confusion when around other girls, but it was very mild and didn't last long. I use to use a forum and people from school somehow found my search history and so they started thinking I must be gay because I only looked up "lesbian type of things", but I didn't want to do those things in real life. I could walk right past other girls back then and have no attraction to them what so ever.
A couple years after school I think it was, I was looking back through some stuff that people were saying about me on there (e.g. she would only date pretty girls to try to get popular) or that I was just after something sexual (even though I didn't want to do those things in real life), but all this made me feel bad so I tried to be more open minded and tried to feel attracted to other girls in an emotional way instead of just admiring the emotional side of other girls like what you do with friends, but then I started being wayyy to open minded and kept feeling mild attraction to a lot of other girls and it was just getting awkward so then I had to try to teach myself to calm down a bit and for the most part, I feel I've managed to get back to being mostly straight, but that bit of confusion that I barley use to have when I was younger is still there.
I miss being mostly straight because it was easier and it was more true to how I really was, now I just have moments where I feel like I am going crazy. I don't have a problem with other people being bisexual or gay, but I just want to go back to how I was before. It's like I forced myself to feel a certain way somehow. I know it sounds crazy, but it's really how what happened feels to me.
Does anyone know anyway I can "calm down" and go back to how I use to be before I guilt tripped myself? I wish I didn't use that site now, for a lot of reasons, but one of the reasons is because if I didn't, people wouldn't have thought I had that problem and then I could just live life in a more natural way instead of forcing things to the point where I feel like it's just gotten complicated.
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Hi Earth Girl
I've found that if there's one thing that will trigger an open mind, it's a sense of wonder. Researching what we're wondering about holds the potential to take it up another level, depending on our nature. Then comes the snowball effect. You can wonder then research, which leads to more wonder and more research and on it goes until you're so utterly wonderful (full of wonder), so open minded and somewhat well educated on the matter. I've found not staying in a wonderful and open minded state sometimes becomes the key to a particular challenge. Before closing the mind again, it's important to decide what you want to keep in there and what you don't want or need to keep in there. So, you might decide (before closing your mind again) 'I'll keep the possibility in there of being attracted to some female in the future but for now this is no longer my focus. I'm going to wonder about or focus on something else'. I've found the mind to have a 'breathing' type of nature to it. Open and close, in and out. While we may breathe in a lot of information (inspiration), it's also important to exhale or let out the information, beliefs, ways of thinking we don't need.
I'm not a fan of people saying 'They're going through a phase', when talking about another person. I find it to be a bit dismissive and degrading in a way. I much prefer something along the lines of 'Their mind has become open to wonder and possibility'. During an open minded period, someone may discover the difference between what they imagine as a possibility and what's actually in their nature. There may even be some experimentation involved, in order to discover whether something is definitely a part of their nature or not.
I believe beauty is not skin deep. A person can have a truly beautiful nature or energy about them. We can be intensely attracted to a person's energy. Whether the energy involves sexual energy is another matter. Sexual energy is a whole other part of the rabbit hole to explore. Of course, if you're going to start wondering a lot about sexual energy, what it is, how it works, what drives it and what it feels like etc, this may lead to the compulsion to research it. It's important to make a decision in regard to whether researching it is a waste of time or a good use of your time.
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Dear Earth Girl,
You don’t have to be anyone other than yourself. If your instincts tell you something,listen to them. We all have regrets in our past, but it is how you phrase them that maybe the key to changing the mindset. You explored something and now it isn’t working out for you. It doesn’t mean you were wrong to have explored it, just that it isn’t the right fit for you as of today. And that is okay. Sexual identity is incredibly open these days. You don’t have to fall into a specific mould. You can be mostly straight, but still have attraction to the opposite sex, if it is the right person. Not every person of that sex. You have all the choices for yourself and none of them are incorrect. It is about what you are comfortable with at the time. And please know, you don’t have to declare your preferences when you meet people for the first time. It isn’t anyone’s business to know anything about yourself, that you don’t choose to share. “It is complicated “ can be a valid answer at anytime too.
Experiences in life are learning curves. And if you have learnt something about yourself,that is a good thing. But try not to hide that too much. People around you have to respect your own decisions. And if they know them, the sooner they can respect your boundaries. But it doesn’t at all mean it isn’t hard taking those first few steps. Or if you want to until you are certain of your own mindset too.
Pro’s and Con’s list are always good. To see side by side your thoughts on things. And maybe if you are on any sites you don’t like anymore, you could deactivate your accounts. Being kind to yourself and giving it some time, may also allow things to click into place in your mind and become more confident in your choice moving forward.
I hope you find some comfort soon and know you aren’t alone.
ABC01
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Thanks therising and ABC01 for your replies and advice!
I know it's normal for a bisexual girl to have emotional attraction to other girls, but it's just that I started to feel that way to a LOT of girls so that's why I felt that it was getting a bit strange. Lately I haven't felt this way about many girls at all. Before I "guilt tripped" myself, I still liked the emotional side to other girls, just not in an attraction kind of way. I don't think I want to do anything sexual with girls (kissing would probably be the furthest I would go if even that). When I feel attracted to other girls, I don't even want to touch them which is also confusing.
When I feel attracted to guys though, then yeah. And I've always felt attracted to guys both emotionally and sexually and not just in a complicated way like I do with women.
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Dear Earth Girl,
Depending on what you may or may not have been diagnosed with, many disorders can consist of intrusive thoughts. Many of these thoughts don’t have to make rational sense either. They just happen. It may be something to consider if you can’t find another explanation to your thoughts.
My Obsessive Compulsive Disorder consists of some intrusive thoughts that I can’t control or get rid of. I sometimes don’t understand why they happen either.
Once again, just a reflection.
ABC01
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Hi ABC01,
That's a good point. I actually do get some intrusive thoughts, sometimes even about this kind of thing because I sometimes get words in my head when I see other people like "sexy" even if I don't actually feel that way to the other person. I think for the most part, I'm just a bit curious and I'm exploring things.
I think it's interesting how I can find sexual attraction to other women not when I see them in person, but just in a sometimes when I am alone kind of way, but also started feeling some emotional attraction to other women when I started "giving things a go." When I had these emotional feelings/romantic attraction to a lot of other women, it was real and not just intrusive thoughts most of the time, even though I didn't even want to touch them or anything. I think you can still have feelings like this to other people even if you have no desire to touch them.
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Hi Competent,
It says you replied to my topic, but your comment doesn't show for some reason, sorry. I'll wait a little while and see if it shows up.
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Dear Earth Girl,
I sometimes have words too. Just the one and I don’t mean them either.
Another reflection, I am straight. However I can see another person of my same sex and think “ Wow, that is a pretty person. Or Wow, they are very attractive.” I like the clothes and how they fit that person’s body. The hair and how it compliments their outfit and even the shoes. Even a person’s hair in a particular style can make them look completely different. And in a flattering way. But none of that means I am attracted to them in a sexual manner. It is a thought and an observation. I am not going to act on it. I can’t see myself doing anything else but admiring.
So it is okay, to feel however you want too.
ABC01
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heaps and heaps of bi people end up settling down with the opposite Gender.
its perfectly normal, you will find that someone special when the time is right. (no guarantees its a man thou lol)
bi people still end up mostly in a loving relationship.