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Worried about relationship

Community Member

I've been in a relationship with my partner for over two years now and he is amazing, I love him very much. I'm worried about our sex life......I'm simply NEVER in the mood, in fact if I would choose to never have sex I would. I had this problem in my last relationship and so I know it has nothing to do with him, it's just me. I know they say girls can be much less eager than men when it comes to sex, but to the point where I avoid it as much as possible? We probably do it on average every three weeks but even then I have to talk myself into it.
What is wrong with me? I'm worried he'll get sick of me for that reason even though I know we are happy.
It's a touchy topic but I'm not sure what to do. It makes me feel really down and sometimes I even hate myself for it. Just wondering i anyone has any advice?


4 Replies 4

Community Member

Hi Kel,

I'm glad you're in a loving relationship, and that you have an amazing partner!

Having sex once every several weeks sounds like it hasn't been a major problem in your current relationship. As your partner has been with you for over 2 years, it seems likely that he would have talked about your sex life if it was an issue for him. It sounds as though you are close to your partner, so talking to him about this is important. You could tell him that sex has never been a priority for you, and ask if he is happy with the sex in your relationship. I appreciate that not everyone likes to explicitly discuss sex with their partner, but being open and honest usually is the best policy.

I've had anxiety for a decade now (since the age of 13), and I find it helpful talking about all aspects of my relationship (including sex) with my boyfriend. We are both really honest and open with each other, and this is what feels natural for us too. We never blame or pressure each other for anything, and make sure we're both happy with everything in our relationship.

If you don't mind me asking, do you suffer from any mental health conditions? Sometimes poor mental health (such as anxiety or depression) can cause low libido or suppress sexual desire. If you're concerned or just want to have some reassurance, talk to your doctor.

Hopefully you get some more replies 🙂

Best wishes,


Community Member

Hello SM and thanks for the reply
No I don't really suffer from any anxiety or depression (That I am aware of). He has brought up the topic a couple of times and I have felt horrible for it. But we are close and apart from sex being a divider, we are very happy together. I just sometimes feel as though I can be disappointing to him as sometimes I don't even like to be kissed. I've always been like that......I'm not a very hands on person and I sometimes think that maybe I need to consider being more physically active like going to the gym or starting up an at home work out. But thanks, I guess t's just something I need to work on.


Community Member

Hi Kel19. In any relationship, sex always seems to cause some sort of problem. Be it because it doesn't happen often enough (man's interpretation), or it's too often for the girl. Sex is a physical feeling for men, emotional for women. Women like to feel they're worthwhile in every way. If they feel their men don't appreciate them for whatever reason, the sex loses it's appeal. There's a dvd entitled 'laugh your way to a happy marriage' by a guy called Mark Gungor. If you can acquire a copy of this and try to get your partner/hubby to watch with you. It's the most useful dvd ever produced.


Hi Kel

There are many variables. I'm assuming you're around 25 so doesn't sound hormonal - like low testosterone but who knows? The contraceptive pill can lower libido, smoking, poor diet and a tonne of other stuff. You didn't mention it but a history of sexual abuse is obviously relevant.

Did your sex life start frequently and then drop off over time or was it always minimal to start with?

Do you know why you want to be kissed sometimes and not others? Are you attracted to your boyfriend? I mean really attracted?

I'm just a little concerned because if your partner is mentioning it now I garantee it won't go away. If you are open with your partner about your worries and are interested in doing something about it this is a good thing. Might be worth bringing it up with your GP as a staring point??