Work Relationship gone south
I am a 26 year old male having issues with myself and a relationship I had formed in the work place.
We started out 6 months ago by sleeping together after a drunken night out but then continued to see each other after woods.
After a couple of weeks she explained to me that she was not looking for anything serious as she had come out of a relationship previously and wanted to enjoy life.
I took a couple steps back from how fast paced things had come between us and this not did sit well for her, as she came to my house one night crying and begging things be normal.
After that things somewhat became normal again but I became a bit of a dick at times and would always say little things to get a reaction but she genuinely seemed to care about me but the whole "not wanting anything serious" really played on me as she seemed to wanting the best of both worlds.
Until just before I left for Europe which I had already booked before I met her we ended up having a fight over nothing and I ignored her at work when she tried to say goodbye as I was hurt from everything.
When in Europe I tried to talk but then we ended up having another fight due to her stating "we were never in a relationship so you can see whoever you want" So I ended up deleting her and blocking her on all forms of social media to cut all contact and did not speak for 6 weeks.
When I got back to work we tried to mend things but I kept hearing from staff how she had told them "He blocked me off all social media because he was upset that I did not like him as much as he liked me" which really burned me because I felt it was quite equal for the most part.
So for the last 3 months that I have been back, it has been an on and off again friendship, but whenever I would feel down I go into a shell and ignored her as it was how I dealt with things in life. This embarrassed her as this was at work and I admit it was not nice as I can be very cold when upset or angry.
After so much effort and back and forth she did always try and make sure we were friends and in each others lives even though I was trying to push her out of my life at times even though I actually never wanted that, I wanted to be with her.
Then once things had finally gotten good as far as we thought at work, We had another work function where we ended up getting extremely drunk and sleeping together again even though I was trying to do the right thing and back away, I gave in as I wanted it as much as I thought she did.
Hi tking welcome.
And thanks for what seems clearly to be an honest post.
From my assessment there could be some over reaction to some of the negative things that she has said/done. However. She appears a little immature to say things to her workmates demonizing you.
For this reason I think you need to do two things. Firstly put in place some boundaries that are reasonable for her to abide by eg, not discussing your relationship with work colleagues.
Acknowledge that she does want the best of both worlds and this stance if not to your liking is reason enough to question the future of your life with this girl. She can't have it both ways ....with you, maybe someone else that doesn't mind her mindset?
Finally, some serious conversation about her wants is in order. The trouble is, you make things difficult when you continue on occasions, sleep with her. Because although you want clarity in this on again, off again relationship, you in effect are fuelling it yourself with your own actions.
I wish you well but it seems a relationship that needs work and I'm doubtful, based on what you've said, that it wont be an easy road
Thanks for your post and reaching out to us.
It sounds like things have been, well, complicated. Most relationships usually are although work relationships can make it harder. What I don't quite get though is what you're wanting. Are you wanting less complicated? Are you wanting to 'get over her'? Do you want to be with her?
I completely agree with Tony WK here in that it would be really helpful to try and first figure out what it is you want (if you haven't done so already), then to talk things out with her, and then set some boundaries if you need to.