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wife's affair makes her happy and me miserable

Community Member

I been happily married for 16 years and 3 weeks ago found out about my wifes few month long sexual affair. Yes, I had probably ignored her needs for years. Yes, I was too tied up in our business. Guilty as charged, I contributed to this too. The trigger, I believe was our youngest child being diagnosed wiyh type 1 diabetes 8 weeks ago. It all became too much and when the opportunity to be free presented, she took it.

As we worked through the emotion, I went from feeling gutted to hopeless to madly in love and even slightly aroused. Over the next few days I asked so many questions and had the deepest conversations ever. She claimed to have broken it up and I believe her. But then as she answered my questions about him, I could see her face light up and she would glow. She had ended it on paper but she was just as attached as ever.

In the haze of the next few days, I made a big mistake and told her I could handle it if she continued her affair. She did.

Some days I'm ok and others I'm shattered. Mostly I'm shattered. But in terms of our relationship, it is like a second honeymoon. She is mych happier. We talk more. The sex is great. Inwardly though I'm broken and don't know what to do.

12 Replies 12

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hi Norm, thanks for getting back to us, and would like to keep this conversation going, and it's great for you to send her flowers, but if you are trying to reach the inevitable of keeping the marriage together after 16 years, you're facing a battle and a half.
My wife used to throw the flowers I bought for her straight into the rubbish bin, so what I was trying to achieve went straight out the window, and to give your wife flowers is a kind gesture, but just another moment of excitement for her, and that's what she is seeking, with another man, because the excitement after 16 years has gone, it's worn out, no matter how many times you try. Geoff.

I'm sorry Norm but your wife had an affair and you bought her flowers???

She needs time to think=she's still with her affair partner. You cannot make any progress (if you actually want to) with another guy in the picture.

I haven't laughed in a while but you made me laugh. Thank you. How ridiculous!!!

She is away at her sisters on the other side of the continent for a week so at least I feel safe for now.