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Why does a person never admit to things?

Guest_1584
Community Member

High people.

My gf/partner in 3 yrs has never taken responsibility, owned or acknowledged anything not even when it's something she'll do often. Yet, has what she calls truths and no problem at all in saying and very bluntly to l might add, anything she thinks about something l've done or that l do . She might even do the same but that's either all ok for her that's different, or she'd just never admit to it and get all hurt that l should even suggest such a thing.

She's mostly a very loving and extremely caring person , incredibly so actually and she'll also happily do anything for you she can and is extremely supportive, above herself if need be. But where as she also has absolutely no problem at all in handing out complaints or asking me to change something l do or a habit , or even a need that is just me. Heaven forbid though l might have a complaint, that's taken in tears and as a direct hit on her character. What is that ?

She won't change or alter anything she does , not even a simple thing like one morning in bed she wouldn't even turn the light off at 7am when she woke up and wanted to do something on the pc. l mean this is just a very small thing there's far far bigger and more important things but even to this one tiny little thing as an example. l'm not a morng person and l hate light at the best of times let alone 7am and while l'm still asleep, she knows that, yet she refused point blank, she just did. She didn't even need the light on she was only reading and there was already morning light coming in.She won't change or compromise anything she does, nor even admit to it. Yet l often wake up early so l'll get up so as l don't wake her and go out to the lounge or somewhere, especially if l want to pc or she'll complain she can't sleep , let alone l turn the br light on .

Thing is that's her attitude with anything her, what is that, entitlement or what ? How do you handle things like that in a person, especially when they have absolutely no qualms whatsoever in the reverse? l mean you'll see stuff like this in an obviously arrogant self centered type , but not usually in someone as caring as what she is otherwise.

rx

31 Replies 31

Guest_1584
Community Member

Hi again Paul and thanks my friend , back at ya.

Your right you know , it says a big thing to and tbh , it is also a big thing to me to if it was more than that once. Weird thing is of course she knows damn well l'm not a morning person, or a light person, especially at that hour.

Hi geoff , how are ya and thanks for that. Tbh l started thinking about what cm's said there , and gf , again a walking contradiction but what can l say it is what it is. She's actually so humble in ways it melts your heart but yet , she does also def' have a very healthy ego about her to.

On another note , what l was getting at with thinking along some sort of MH thing, considering her beautiful giving and loving nature in other ways, was past abuse. Her ex was abusive and she grew up with abuse to.l've sometimes thought her ways are a defense.

rx

Hello RX, I agree with you and it could be a way for her to build her confidence.

Geoff.

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

H rx...and Paul & Geoff,

It could be a defence thing ie standing up for herself. Problem is she is doing things she KNOWS you don't like ie the 7am light. That's just plain inconsiderate. This thing about getting upset & sulking if you try to tell her ( sounds like M's sis) is a lack of maturity I feel. We all have faults, we all should respect our partner's wishes. I too was thinking you relationship is 70/30. Over time this will wear you down, as you are now experiencing. I think it's def a control / entitlement thing. Whether it's life circumstances or MH issues or personality it should be addressed.

Question; when you ask her to turn the light off at 7am does she sulk or just disregard/refuse? Could it be her culture? M's sis was dating a guy from Brazil. He used to call her a nickname she didn't like yet wouldn't stop. Some cultures have little traits that don't fit in with everyone.

Cmf

Guest_1584
Community Member

Hi cm.

Yeah def' cultural things in the mix too, l only don't mention them bc explaining anything gf is complicated enough. She's a complex personality so l try to keep it as simple as poss'. But yeah they do have quite a few attitudes and expectations. There's quite a bit of men should do this or that bc he loves his woman and in some ways it does often work in the woman's favor but in others they really believe in doing everything for their man really looking after him and being fully involved and supportive in whatever his endeavors.so it also has it's benefits for him to. They'll actually take it as an insult to her intelligence if she isn't fully involved in every detail and a fully equal partner, she knows my business as l do, and she'll help and do anything l do which considering it's a pretty blokey job many women wouldn't even consider but just say the word and she'll be all over it and things she's never done in her life, and if she can't do it she'll make a point of learning how to.She'll also treat him like an absolute king, really looks after you in every poss way and then some but expects to be a queen as well haha, one of our running jokes, the king and queen.

But there's a lot of funny things also thrown into the mix, like she rarely thanks you for something, to them it's your honor to do this or that. But she'll show it in other ways and it will touch her deeply you'll see that later.

l've never been able to figure out though if this won't do or change anything stuff or even turn of a light is cultural or just an arrogance or entitled thing. No qualms at all telling me or asking me to do this or l should do or need to be doing that but heaven forbid. lt's like a personal attack should l ask the same of her and almost like how could she possibly not be doing everything just perfect , why would she need to do or change anything else.lt's very hard to describe .

rx

Guest_1584
Community Member

With the light or other of the simple side of things similar , nno she won't sulk , more like dig her heels in . l'm not turning it off l need it on and that's it, type thing, she has that sort of attitude in quite a few things.

So as far as 70 30 goes in those ways and with some things yeah it is , but as l say in others though it's vise verse . like for example in the way she looks after you , that'd be more my 70 she'll be there any time anywhere for absolutely anything you need and really enjoys spoiling me rotten.

Hanna3
Community Member

Hi randomx,

Sounds like your girlfriend has a blind spot about herself. It doesn't sound like she's aware of how she's coming across to you, or how much she's affecting you.

I wonder have you tried to carefully explain your feelings to her, what you appreciate about her but also what you also wish she could try to be a bit more considerate about?

I'm just wondering if she doesn't realize the effect she's having on you.

Sometimes I think we don't realize how much something we do bothers another person until they directly confront us about it.

Just wondering if you could sit down and have bit of a talk with her about this aspect of her behaviour, but in a non-confrontational way? Or have you tried this, to no avail?

It does sound frustrating for you mate! 🙂

Guest_1584
Community Member

Hi hanna and thx for that.

Hahaaa yeah , she does have a few blind spots . She's a funny mix , but a more caring do anything for you [ cept turn a bloody light of haha ] , woman l have never known.

Yeah we have talked about things like that , we talk about anything but sometimes not so successfully haha especially with cultural and language differences .

She doesn't see some things , in many ways she's about the most astute understanding and empathetic person ever but yeah , she has her blind spots and there are things she just doesn't see the way l do, in that case vise verse to then l suppose. like the light she said later, don't see what the big deal was about the light you were awake , you can put the doona over if you wanna sleep more. lt's not the same to me, my eyes wills till pick up the light too butttt, what can l say.

rx

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

It's even harder when your partner has a family member who's selfish & controlling & your partner can't admit to it.

The family member is ruining the relationship yet no one is allowed to tell them.

Guest_1584
Community Member

Yeah for sure cm , that woman is really taking a toll on you guys and you it's getting beyond a joke.

l still don't see how m could expect you to tackle her about her crap though when it's his whole situation and his sis , and l still don't think he even gets it really anyway. It's a tough one.

Hi randomx

When my Ex and I first got together we used to argue over bedroom windows - he liked to sleep with them closed and I iked them open.

Relationships can challenging even about small things! 🙂