Why am I feeling I can't cope with kids and household

[Viahanne]

I'm really struggling to understand myself. I'm getting upset with my kids and husband over the smallest things. I feel I have anxiety when we are close to being late for school drop off and I just cry. I can't keep up with the house cleaning and I can't let it go. I'm getting angry with my 10 year old because I feel like I'm constantly having to repeat myself on simple daily routine like eat your breakfast and pack your bag! I understand prep is such a tiring and new thing for my son but why do I have to argue with him to put his hat in his bag?! Or that he is capable of grabbing his jocks from his drawer himself?! My husband works away sometimes and those are the days I struggle the most with my two year old as he constantly wants to cuddle me especially while I'm trying to cook dinner. He gets angry if I'm not the one to pour him a cup of water. I work and have returned back to study. My husband is a great provider but I get so mad with him when he does everything for our 5 year old. He will sleep with his in his room because my son doesn't want to sleep alone. i feel so stupid ranting about silly little things that are probably what everyone faces but why does it bother me so much? My husband wants me to seek help but by the time he gets back from work I'm going to be back to happy again.. so I thought I could try here while I'm still trying to calm myself down from this mornings episode. I feel horrible for making my daughter upset from me breaking down. She's such a good kid. I don't want her to feel the way I do when she grows up. My kids are everything to me and I feel like I'm failing them as a mother. Why can't I just fill their water bottles without losing my shit that they weren't on the kitchen bench when I go to wash them? It's not like I can't just grab them out of their bags myself... I'm being so dramatic and I'm so embarrassed

[Viahanne]

My 10 year old is my daughter who is a mother hen. She does help me a fair bit when it comes to house work and the boys. But she too can daydream in the mornings. I don't know if I'm a bit too hard on her sometimes because of my frustration and emotions that I can't seem to get control of.

My prep 5 year old is my middle boy who is truly a dads boy. I have spoken to my husband as well as my mother in law about how I like things done. When hubby is away I have no problem sending him to bed on his own but when dad is in he knows dad will give in. I think hubby thinks he's helping me by just getting everything done for the 5 year old so there's no yelling. I don't think he sees how much harder it makes it for me.. I will have a better talk to him when he gets back.

As for my 2 year old. I understand what you're saying about cuddling when its convenient for me but I am struggling with following through with it. When all I hear are kids arguing, trying to get dinner on with a screaming two year old I do get flustered so I am finding it a little easier said than done. In the moment of it all its overwhelming and I don't know how else to stop it.

[TBella]

Perhaps doing what my mum did, when we were kids, may help!

Everytime my sister & I would fight & argue, Mum would say "Right if you don't stop fighting by the time I count to 5, then I am going to make you hug each other for 5 mins".

It worked every time with us.

If they are fighting over toys or belongings. I find what works with kids at my work is saying

" You have got 2 mins to come up with a solution to share or play nicely together. Otherwise I will take the toy off you & no one will have it. If it's a game I will pack up the game & no one will play.

This gives them motivation & opportunity for them to think for themselves & problem solve.

I remember looking after my sisters kids when they were little. They made a mess with their toys everywhere. It come time to pack up. And I said now it's time to play a game called "Pack up", it's where you put toys back into toy box"

They said "can you do it"?

My reply- I didn't make the mess you did, you are responsible for cleaning up after yourself.

They asked again, so I said "Ok but the way I pack up is to get a garbage bag, throw them in there & into the bin & you never see your toys again.

I went got a garbage bag & they knew I was serious. They packed their toys up straight away when I was looking after them.

You have to mean what you say & say what you mean & only what you are willing to follow through. Kids thrive on consistency & boundaries- it makes them feel safe & secure. So I definitely understand your frustration with your husband & why it wears you out!

My cousin, sister & I were at the park one day- whinging about our parents. My sister & I complaining about how strict our parents were. My cousin said your lucky, I wish my mum would say NO to me just once, so I knew she loved me.

Powerful moment that's stayed with me. I never complained about my parents again, instead I was so grateful they were strict & brought me up with manners & consideration for others. Maybe sharing this story with your husband will help him see saying NO sometimes makes your kids feel loved & more secure.

Hope these tips are helpful in relieving some of your stress.

Kind Regards

TBella