Where do I go from here

[goodness]

I have been in my marriage for 18 years. Things were good when we first met but they slowly started to slip away. I found out my husband was an alcoholic. I didn’t know before we lived together I had no idea, then we moved in together, fell pregnant then it felt like everything started to fall apart. I already had a child to a previous marriage and my husband had 3 children so I didn’t want this child to be a statistic.
Time has gone by, marriage became very toxic and unfortunately my eldest son coped so much abuse. All I wanted to do was leave. I had no money, no family close by, I did not know what to do. I finally decided to leave after 10 years of alcoholic abuse, being second to the bottle was too much for me to handle anymore, then he stopped drinking so I wouldn’t go. I was so angry that he allowed the children and I to go through so much torment then when he was going to loose something he changed. Overnight. Just stopped drinking.
Eight years now have passed since and he has started drinking again, my children are men, my husband pays me no attention again and decides to look elsewhere for attention. I have had enough again he says he will change. I’m so scared to go out on my own. Can I do it?Can I afford it? I can’t live like this anymore. 18 years is enough heartache. I fell guilty to leave him. I just want to please him. I’m scared I will be alone for the rest of my life. I don’t feel for him like I use to, I can’t get close to him. I’m lost.

[Sophie_M]

Hi goodness,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story with us here.

We are sorry to hear that things have been so difficult in your relationship and that you are considering leaving. We understand this must be such a hard decision to make, especially with all you have had to go through, so please know that you never have to go through this alone, and support is always here for you.

If you would like to talk to someone, the Beyond Blue Support Service is available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

We would recommend that you get in touch with an organisation called Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277 who provide relationship support services for individuals, families and communities.

We hope that you will find some comfort here on the forums. Please feel free to keep reaching out here on your thread whenever you feel up to it.

[geoff]

Hello Goodness, and a warm welcome to the site.

It's sad that you're in a marriage that is dominated by alcohol, and I'm sorry you won't be able to please an alcoholic, other than accepting who he is and then supply whatever he wants to drink without questioning him.

It's good that he had stopped but all it takes is a small trigger that will once again start him and every day that's a worry you're anticipating, but you're unable to control his moods and his reactions to what he wants and what you don't want to happen.

He's had eight years sober, now he's back drinking and if you want to leave, then you need to make that decision without asking yourself questions that aren't going to happen.

If you are receiving a Centrelink payment then they will provide the bond money and a couple of weeks rent, which you pay back slowly to them.

Another option is Anglicare can also provide counselling plus a flat/house for you that's furnished, given the circumstances, until you are able to get yourself established, and if I can suggest, you don't tell your husband where you are going to live, only because he will want you to return back to him, but that's not an option because that's why you decided to leave.

Other op shops can provide furniture if needed and may also have somewhere to stay.

I know in Vic there are places for essential living 'https://www.housing.vic.gov.au' you may also want to contact, while in the meantime have you got somewhere else you can stay that he won't know about.

I'd really like for you to get back if possible.

Take care.

Geoff.