I've been happily (at least I thought so) married for 10yrs & I have four kids with my wife.
We moved to Australia early 2022 but something has seemed off for a while. She hasn't wanted to engage in anything sexual for years claiming that she just didn't feel the urge, she didn't want sex and didn't want me to even touch her. To set the stage here, I look young for my age (38), I'm tall, very well endowed and know how to please her on the rare occasion she'll let me.
She went back to our original country to visit her parents mid last year while I looked after all the kids and made the mistake of purchasing a Tinder subscription using our shared credit card which alerted me on my phone. I sank into a deep hole of depression and asked her about it when she got back. She claimed it was for a friend who felt embarrassed about using it themselves so she was helping them. I took that as she said it at the time because I trust her and I wanted to give her the benefit of the doubt.
She had trouble making friends here and turned to "Friends" channel on Bumble. I was very uncomfortable with this so I asked her to remove it.
She went out dancing with girl friends until the sunrise every second week and then started disappearing during the day almost every day for 4-5hrs at a time.
My phone is pretty old and I'd just bought her a new one when we moved here so I asked if I could use her old phone. I plugged it into my computer to make sure all her photos were saved before I wiped it and a message popped up in Instagram from someone she'd been sexting with. I felt like I couldn't breath.
I called her and with tears in my eyes begged her not to go through with it and she said she'd come straight home and talk with me.
She claimed nothing had happened with that person. She told me she'd been going to an abuse support group all those days she'd been away and was planning on leaving me. I was confused and terrified. I've never abused her. I am guilty of being too focused on work, being stuck in provider mode but that's it. She said that there was a guy there that she went on one date with but they did nothing more than have coffee.
I identified areas where I can improve and I make more time for her and have cut work right back. She said the changes are amazing and she's happy.
I'll post more in reply comment.
