Unpacking after a relationship breakdown
Have not posted in a while. I had a massive argument
that spanned over two days with my partner. Long
story cut short, she asked that I leave and terminated
our relationship. It was extremely traumatizing for me.
This happened only two days ago now. I packed all
of my belongings ready to go and needed to find
somewhere to stay quickly.
She has asked me not to leave and wants to work things
out with me. We are going to go to couples counselling
and she is going to start her own individual therapy.
My issue at the moment is I'm struggling to unpack
my belongings. It was my home and our home. I'm
struggling to feel the same and to also unpack with
feeling like it's not home nor my home anymore.
I can't live out of suitcases and bags. At some point
I need to unpack. Any suggestions would be helpful
right now. Maybe get her to unpack with me?
Thanks in advance all.
I think you have answered your own question.
After a serious falling out packing up and preparing to leave what had been your home, and probably sanctuary, is very traumatic and will of course make you see the place through different eyes. You have distanced yourself from it.
This of course does not mean that things can't change. While there may have been a loss of trust what better way to overcome this and gain a feeling of being included and needed than for her to help you put everything back?
Add to that her intention to seek individual therapy and for you to receive counseling together and things may be hopeful.
There is one thing I do in my relationship. We have an agreement no matter how angry we will never say anything too hurtful or which cannot be taken back. I think telling you to leave is one of those things. Do you think you could reach a similar agreement with your partner?
What do you think?
Thank you for the suggestion. I'm not sure right now about agreements. It's all still so very raw. We have however started couples relationship therapy and she us starting her own therapy.
We are talking about things so I think it's all a very good start. Healing and repairing ourselves and the relationship is something we need to do slowly. We have made a start.
You are spot on though about the home bit and how I feel. Thank you for your response.
People grow, and as you say you have both made a start. Perhaps one of the major pitfalls now might be for either of you to overreact when things are not going well, sometimes faith in another is called for even when it seems unlikely.
I have my (flippers) crossed
Thanks for having your flippers crossed. Yes, what you mentioned can happen. This has certainly been very far off easy and a huge test so early into our relationship. The truth is it will take time to mend the damage. I try and remember if we can get through this we will be stronger for it. Some days my heart is so broken that I cannot even muster any energy to speak. I had a big cry today which was needed. One day at a time. I know without a doubt she is so remorseful and shows me that she is in it with me even when I feel she is distant. The love has not gone for me. I still do love her because she is beautiful. She is trying hard and sticking with it.