Two year relationship ending, heartbroken and struggling to cope with guilt/anxiety.
I was shocked and excused myself to go home and process my own thoughts and she did a complete 180, begged me to stay, cried, said she was confused and didn't want me to leave. I told her we both needed some time to think about what we want and left. I met up with her again two days later after some introspection and confessed that I may have not been as forthcoming with how much I loved her, how much she meant to me and how I wanted a future together. This seemed to put her mind at ease and things went back to normal that day. We hung out, were laughing, cuddling, kissing and seemed like a couple again. When I went to leave, she said she wanted a few more days to think and process her thoughts as she wanted to break up, but after everything I told her she was confused about what she wants. I agreed to give her some time to think. Three days of me respecting her space (it was torturous not knowing where we stood) and I text her to check in and ask how she is and she said she would call me later that night. She calls me six hours later, acting very cold and says with much regret she wants to break up and that was the end of it.
I'm so heartbroken. I really wanted to make it work and she has always stressed the importance of communication and fighting for a relationship, but she left me in the dark about how she was struggling with doubts that I didn't love her, which culminated to her ending the relationship. I've been trying to focus on my work and nursing, but since we've always bounced ideas off eachother about concepts and care plans, everything just reminds me of her.
Firstly, thanks for posting- we know that can be hard to do in tough times. We appreciate you reaching out; we are a caring, nonjudgmental space.
Please know that you are not alone, and that many people are going through breakups which the virus and isolation might make harder to deal with. Breakups can be overwhelming, confusing, disorientating, and raw- and yep- everything you see, you will find a reminder of them. My advice? Just let it be. Feel what you feel- acknowledge it- record it maybe, to give you release and clarity. It's good that you recognised that there was a communication issue between you two, for example.
What else can you learn from this breakup experience and the relationship that might help you grow? This can be a great way to reflect on the relationship, the good and the bad, in a positive and healthy way. Apart from that, be gentle with yourself- if you can't focus as much as you'd like, seek out some healthy distraction-what might be some fun distractions for you?. It can involve chatting here if you like, to help decompress in a safe space. Keep us posted, if you like.