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Trust issues lost love needing advice :(

Community Member

Hi all I'm new to the community 🙂 Iv been in a relationship for about 8 years we have two kids together are engaged all the things u do in a serious relationship. The start of the relationship didn't start off good I was pregnant and he was cheating on me with a ex fling that ended as she moved on with someone else and I chose to stay, I've always somewhat known it's unfinished business between them recently her relationship ended sadly and my OH decided to contact her two days after expressing his condolences, I told him I'm not comfortable with them speaking and I know this is gonna end up them starting there little fling again, I feel

like I've gone bak 8 years! It's been a couple months and he has been acting weird he keeps asking if we ever split what would I take etc I confronted him last week about the weirdness between us and he admitted she told

him she is still in love with him and he said he will always love her she is his first love, he keeps telling me he is fine and happy yet says he is confused and speaks about different scenarios "if" they where in a relationship & said he knows he can't have both of us yet refuses to stop talking to her, I feel defeated, broken, the hardest thing I've ever faced hearing the man I love tell me someone else is is first love and then I asked who

do you luv more he couldn't even look me in the eye and say me he just awkwardly laughed said me and then said he loves us equally! I feel this is so wrong we are engaged have two kids together and he loves me equally to someone he hasn't spoken two for 8 years! Everyone's telling me what he is doing is wrong yet he is making me feel like I'm over reacting and I'm in the wrong also I told him I will message her myself if he doesn't stop talking to her then he says that will start trouble and make him really angry he is dead set against me contacting her it makes me sus. I don't know what to do but I can't just move on and allow this it's destroying me knowing he is inlove with someone else, I feel like he is emotionally blackmailing me to allow him to have her in his life, we live in a different town to her so no way he could physically cheat but I feel he is emotionally cheating and cares more about her feelings then mine it's like he is destroying my self confidence without a care 😞 I can't deal with this I need to raise my kids I can't be strong and alone forever. What would you all do in my situation ? Please help

2 Replies 2

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Bubbles, first off welcome to the forums. It is unfortunate that you are here for the reason that you are but it is a very protective and caring place so we will do all we can to assist where we can.

I am sorry that you are going through what you are and after reading your post, one word really comes to mind in a massive way...boundaries...he has overstepped the boundary in my opinion.

I really feel that you also need to set some very clear boundaries and to help you do this, can you please search for the following thread: "Topic: How do I protect the Children". (just copy and paste this into the search function at the top right hand side of the page). Once you are there, scroll down to Dr Kim's post and watch the video attached.

I think before we go on about anything else, do what i have asked above and then we can discuss further.

Once last thing to, be assured that you are not alone in this - there are so many people going through a similar journey.


Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Bubbles welcome to forums. I have been in a situation the same as your in at the moment. It didn't end well for me at all. She left me for another even after promising me she would not leave me. Then came back to then went off with another. Once a cheater always a cheater. It happens to both genders, it doesn't matter GLBTG we all get it. The percentages are about the same.

Because of what has happened to me with two different women I now find it hard to trust women. Plus now I have children in my care because we lost there mother to cancer. I still want consistency in there lives. Plus trying to show them certain morals. Not running off with half the planet.