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Trapped or clouded

Community Member

I have not known where to turn but found myself here.
i’ve been married for nine years and have three beautiful children under seven. My wife and I have been in counselling for over two years now with limited success. Ever since we’ve been together it’s always felt like she’s trying to change me, Not just with annoyances about me but major things and if I don’t conform then I Don’t love her. At first I thought this was just what marriage was he sacrificed for the other for the relationship for the good of the family but as time has gone on I’m starting to feel like I’m the only one doing the sacrifice, the changing. It’s just come out in a counselling sessions that she has never ever fully loved or accepted me.
I was utterly gutted.

I find myself now wondering what to do. The more I analyse it the more I think I just need to do more I just need to change more but I don’t think that’s the answer. Because I end up feeling like a doormat and emancipated. .
I have a amazing relationship with my kids and I cherish them so much. But I just don’t know what to do to fix things I feel trapped helpless. I’ve given my wife and my family my all but it never seems to be enough.
Maybe I’m just getting bogged down with the negatives but I just feel stuck. I feel guilty because I have so much to be thankful for but I can’t seem to get a flourishing marriage.

Any other dads and father’s been here? I feel like after two years aI feel like after two years of marriage counselling things would and should be better. So disheartening when counselling isn’t working, it’s meant to fix things or least push us in the right direction. Thanks for listening.

2 Replies 2

Community Member
I’m not a counsellor by any means but I have been married to a guy that wasn’t prepared to sacrifice some of the things he wanted to put our family first and it’s difficult. I can totally see where you’re coming from too tho... what sorts of ‘things’ that you don’t want to change are you referring to..?

Oh sorry I should have clarified. It’s not like a meth addict and she wants me to quit.
it’s things like ‘stop being interested in x y and z hobbies but be interested in hers or I don’t love her’

’stop eating that particular food’

’we dont treat things here with essential oils if you don’t agree you don’t love me’

It’s relentless.