Toxic mother

[EG1894]

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to see if anyone has had a similar experience to me and how they have dealt with it.

I have been seeing someone for 3 years, he is a beautiful person with good intentions, he works hard and treats me well. However, my mum absolutely hates him, she never has anything good to say about him, she is always negative and calls him the most disgusting and derogatory names. She does however act fake and nice to him to his face, but when he leaves I cop the brunt of everything. My whole extended family love him and so do my friends.

For the past 3 years she has been not only nasty to him but incredibly nasty to me. She tells me I'm disgusting for wanting to be with someone like him and the only reason I'm with him is because I'm desperate to be liked by someone. There has been times in the past where he has stood up for both himself and I, however, she will just react by secluding the both of us from her house and from any family events. Just recently she told me that she spoke to her friend and that her friend knows a guy who wants to ask me out. I just find that very disrespectful.

I just wanted to mention that she still loves my ex boyfriend who was emotionally and mentally abusive to me, and still hopes to this day that we will get back together. She tells me that her gut feeling is always right and that she knows he will contact me soon.

I have been fighting to have a positive relationship with her for 3 years and have tried to forget all the trauma she has put me through, but I dont think I can keep going anymore. I guess I'm just scared to not have my mums support and I'm extremely desperate and always have been for her approval.

Any guidance would help.... Thank you

[MumofOneSeekingSupport]

Hi

I’m so sorry you’ve experienced this.
Mother’s can be sources of such comfort and love, and when they aren’t it’s a massive wound for us.

The most revolutionary thing I ever heard about familial relationships was - we don’t owe anyone any part of us. Boundaries can be so helpful and protect you from the harm her words and lack of love and support can do. They don’t come without push back but to keep yourself safe from her, they may very well be worth it. You can always do it in a loving and caring way.

We don’t owe anyone any part of ourselves or access to our lives.
I’m not saying cut her off but protecting yourself is an incredibly loving thing you can do for yourself

I hope you can find a way to cope with her