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To let go

Community Member

I will start with my husband of nearly 10 years had been asking for us to separate. He had asked for separation three times now since October last year, and last one being last week, to which, I finally agree. Previously I had been begging him not to (as we have a 5 years old together) and been making compromises.

And this last one I can see that I have exhausted all my effort to keep us together, and that he’s made up his mind. He wasn’t angry. He was pretty calm and mature, and explained his proposed arrangement in regards to our kid, and he’s telling me to start finding a place. He initially said that we had grown apart, and that we are now two different people. That I am an independent woman and that he is fine with it, it’s just that us as a couple, just wouldn’t work anymore. He doesn’t feel he can deal with my years long bulimia/depression problem. That we both deserve to be happy, although that means not being with each other. The list goes on, but the point is that he hopes we will find our own happiness in our separate ways.

He helped me find a place and will help me move (as he will be moving back with his parents) and have been very flexible with our son arrangement and our work hours. He intends to keep things amicable as we do not want our son to be affected by this. I intend to do the same although it somehow pains me to see us dissolving. I want him to be happy. He deserves that. He has been a great dad although I can’t say we were the best as a couple. Maybe I didn’t try hard enough, maybe he didn’t. Maybe we both did but it just wasn’t working. I don’t know.

The thing is, that I will be moving out early next month as arranged and sometimes I still find it inside me it’s hard to believe that it had came to this. I’m not too sure how to properly let go. I don’t know how to tell myself that we’ve both done our best (which I find I don’t) and that it’s time to let go. I’m not too sure about anything at all. We have been together for a long time for now to be separated although we’re doing it slowly (no door slamming or gone awol), it’s still very difficult to accept.

Please advise what I should do. Thank you.

1 Reply 1

Community Member
Hi. Sorry to hear about what you are going through with your separation. I am going through a similar thing but I am like your husband wanting to move on from a marriage. I have tried everything to keep things going but in my heart I think we would be better apart. People change and things don't always work out as planned, so making a decision to move on is always hard but in the long run probably for the best. To me it sounds like he made his mind up a long time ago, so now he has made his move he will either feel a sense of relief or maybe later feel he has made a huge mistake. I guess the main focus is that of your child, so you both will need to get along for the next 15 years and co-parent.