The love of my life left me for mental health reasons and I want him back.

[brooksbbyy]

The love of my life broke up with me yesterday, I know it wasn’t planned nor did he want to but he still did. Me and my ex were together for a year and a bit, we loved each other very much, it was us against the problem and we were always supportive and trying to help each other, setting boundaries and making sure each other is appreciated. We were really in love, eachothers best friend. I made him believe in love again after a very mentally abusive relationship, he swore off dating for 2 years and then met me and everything changed. He has been struggling at work, he’s a mechanic and his new job essentially told him recently that they didn’t know what he was doing at his last job and told that he essentially knew nothing and had to start from scratch. He has adhd so he doesn’t have high self esteem and struggles with his self image and confidence. Me and him then started getting into little spats here and there a little before our 1 year anniversary. This also took a toll on him and his family had been pressuring him to save money or to buy a new car which he didn’t want to do. He also has been depressed and anxious as well as starting on meds for that and new meds for his adhd. We had a big fight last month which was the catalyst for this whole break up. We had been less comforting less understanding which I regret so much. Then he went to talk to me about fixing the weirdness we felt and all the issues that were unsolved. During that conversation he came to the conclusion that it was best that we were to break up. He said he didn’t want to, and I know he wasn’t planning too breakup with me. He said that he loved me so deeply but “his battery was empty” he has no will left, that he couldn’t be what I needed and deserved. He was crying by then and he never cries, at all. I then told him to get better, he said he would for me. We then made a pinkie promise (he hates making promise but earnestly made one with me) a promise that when he got better and was ready to commit to us again I would be the first person to know. I told him no matter how long it takes I would wait for him. I know he didn’t say all of that to make me feel better about the break up I know he was being honest and genuine. But now I’m breaking down, I can’t stand to be without him, I want him to get better but it hurts not being there to help him or being able to be there as his rock like I usually am. My mum said that its not a good idea to make big decisions when your in the middle of big changes happening in your life or heavy stress so she things that he might come back when he’s ready and regret it all. But I don’t know what to think, I burn for him like he does for me, I keep searching for answers on whether he actually still wants to be with me and wants to be with me in the future again one day. He hasn’t blocked my number or any of my social media’s and I said I’d be there when he’s ready to talk, if he wanted to tell me anything or even just about his day which he said he would. I feel like I’m falling apart and I know giving him his time and letting him reach out is the best idea so that’s what I’m doing for now, I hope he comes back I really really do. I’d do anything to see him again to hug and kiss him again. Do you think there is a possibility he could come back to me? Someone please help it’s killing me from the inside out.

[Sophie_M]

Hi brooksbbyy,

This sounds like a really difficult and isolating time. It sounds like it’s been a really difficult time for your partner, and it must be really hard to understand and process the separation in that context. It sounds like you care for them deeply and are trying to be supportive and understanding through this, but it’s also hard to manage your own wellbeing through such a big change. We’re glad you could share this here, as our lovely community will have kindness, advice and understanding for you.
Is there anyone that you feel able to talk to about this? It sounds like you could really do with talking things through, so please don’t hesitate to give the lovely Beyond Blue counsellors a call on 1300 22 4636 or speak to them on webchat here. There are also some really good pointers here for staying connected, and finding support through a trying time.
It’s also really important to check in with yourself while you’re going through this, so it might be good to have a look at our pages on looking after yourself while supporting someone.
There’s a really useful part about how it can affect relationships which might be useful to you, too.
It is wonderful that you have been able to reach out for support here on the forums, it must have been difficult to write this post, but you never know who might read it and feel less alone in their own experience. Please keep sharing whenever you feel comfortable to do so. We hope our warm and kind community will spot your post and offer their support soon.
Kind regards,
Sophie M

[james1]

Hi brooksbbyy,

I'm so sad to hear how you are feeling. You sound just devastated and I really hope you can find the support you need. In times like this when we feel like our lives have just been shattered, it's so important to have people around. They may not be the one person you want, but if that person isn't available, we just need some love and care from others who do love and care for us.

You mentioned you've been speaking with your mum. Do you have any other friends or family who you can rally around you as well? Of course, we'd love to also support you here, but it sounds like you could do with some people who are actively in your life already, and can be with you in person.

Let us know how you are going. I think these kind of relationship issues can take some time to find out what is going on and what will happen, but in the meantime, we're certainly here to listen and talk. I can really hear the pain you must be feeling right now.

James

[brooksbbyy]

Thank for the kind words, I feel really devastated and like my other half doesn’t exist anymore. I have a feeling it won’t be the last of my ex’s time in my life yet the wait for something, anything to happen hurts more and more as time goes on. I thought me and him would be able to get through anything. I know it would have hurt more if he broke up with me for cheating or even just not loving me anymore but I know those would never happen. In a way I hope he doesn’t move on from me cause I can’t bare to move on from him he’s my soulmate for sure. I just hope he can at least get better one day soon.

[james1]

Hello brooksbbyy,

You sound so pained, and I understand it must feel impossible to move on. I think that happens in time, and only when we're ready. I hope you have someone in person who can help you bear the hurt and find kind and nice ways to distract yourself. I used to go on some really long walks just to get moving and outside. I guess I found the physical activity helpful to keep my mind from really spiralling.

Take care for now

James