supportive partner needs a break

[Mortho]

Hey all, to say i’m exhausted is an understatement, my husband  is suffering depression and anxiety he has had a hospital admission in the last 3 months .  is it wrong if i suggest one night a week he stays at his mums im thinking a sunday night so i can have some recharging time before the work week begins .

he is constantly obsessive  about different things and doesn’t let up, i have set some boundaries and will spend a lot of time redirecting his thoughts.  I feel bad for wanting a break but the last few years have taken a toll on me.  i’m super supportive but i think it’s to my own demise if that makes sense.  just writing this makes me feel extremely sad and emotionally 😞 

[Juliet_84]

Hi Mortho,

I think you are well within your rights to ask for a break, you should never feel ashamed for asking for what you need. I find if you ignore these signs from your body there are usually negative consequences. Of course, his natural inclination is going to be that he feels hurt, it’s very hard not to feel that way when someone says they want a break from us. Of course his obsessive behavior has driven this response and he may even understand on some rational level but you may need to tread gently in telling him this information. I think it’s reasonable by saying that your own mental health is struggling and that you need a night on your own once a week, and then suggest that maybe he use that time to visit his mum as a regular thing. I think if you position it as a mental health issue (which it is) and that this is something you need, that he will hopefully empathize with  your situation. 

[Mortho]

Thank you for these words , funny just writhing this on the forum made me feel a bit better .  i think ultimately i need to start talking more to people about the situation instead of making out everything is fine.  I think i constantly am trying to protect him and i don’t ever want him to feel embarrassed about his mental health.  It’s just so hard and i don’t want to being other people down with the reality of my life .