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Support groups/services for MALE victim of Narcissistic abuse

fred4761
Community Member

Hi, one of my closest friends is the victim of what I believe to be Narcissistic abuse inflicted by his wife. They are now separated and she is making life very difficult for him. I have tried looking online for support groups or support services for male victims of emotional/psychological domestic abuse but haven't had much luck.

He had become very isolated from his family, her family and his friends and colleagues as she gradually, over the years, limited the amount of people who he was allowed to be in contact with. She stopped him from attending any outside clubs and groups as well and his social circle consisted of his wife and kids - no contact with any friends or family members. For years he had been in denial claiming that men cannot be victims of domestic abuse, however after he tells his story to lawyers, counsellors and other professionals they all conclude that is the case. I would like to help him find other people who have been in his shoes and can relate to his experiences.

She was investigated a few years ago by Child Protection Services for emotional and psychological abuse and neglect of their daughter. The investigation ended when they relinquished custody of their daughter. I am hoping that this will help to demonstrate her pattern of emotional abuse. They still have two other children and his wife is doing everything to limit access to them. He does not have enough money for the legal fees required to fight for custody, and is not eligible for legal aid so his lawyer advised him to use a mediator at Relationships Australia instead. He is concerned about seeing her for mediation as she has a way of making him feel very small and has him feeling that he is still mostly to blame for everything that has gone wrong in her life. She has a knack of twisting reality to make it seem as though she is the victim. Everytime she sees him she berates and belittles him and talks down to him and he just takes it all. It is really hard to watch and I don't know how else to support him.

2 Replies 2

MummaPetal
Community Member

Dear Fred,

Your friend is very lucky to have you as a support. I am sorry to hear that your friend has being through such a difficult and frustrating experience.

Narcissist abuse can be experienced by both women and men. It is difficult to go through and feel like you can be believed by others as narcissists are master manipulators.

Melanie Tonia Evans is an author and YouTuber, who specialises in narcissist abuse education. She has a book called How to thrive after Narcissist Abuse which is a good read. It is written for both men and women.

With Relationships Australia, you can arrange a phone mediation. It doesn't have to be in person. They will speak to your friend one on one first during a client intake interview and then with your friend's permission, invite the other partner to attend an interview too. They are trained mediators with a legal background and will maybe see through any manipulative behaviour.

I hope this helps.

rhinoceros
Community Member

There is a very good Youtube channel called "Surviving Narcissism", it is run by Dr. Les Carter, a psychologist. Between seeking therapy for myself, as well as utilising resources like that, I found the knowledge and strength to finally leave my abusive ex.

I'm a male victim of narcissistic abuse. Initially by my father as I was growing up, and in my last relationship of 5+ years. I didn't know it as it was happening, but since I was already used to dealing with someone on the narcissistic spectrum from childhood, I readily accepted the unhealthy behaviour patterns in my last relationship. It wasn't a deliberate choice, it was subconscious.

I can relate to what your friend is experiencing. I was isolated from family and friends she didn't approve of. I used to have quite a lot of female friends, she stopped me from engaging in those friendships. Any interests/hobbies of mine were often met with a dismissive attitude. Simply put, I was a prisoner with a very unhealthy dysfunctional person. From the outside, many would have thought we were the perfect couple. It's amazing how appearances are so deceiving.

I think most damaging thing she did to me was made me feel completely disgusting about wanting intimacy, not even talking about sex specifically, but just the closeness that a healthy couple generally have. I remember it clear as day, she told me that I'm a monster, as if I was some kind of deviant. We lived like two flatmates, not a couple.

I can't iterate strongly enough how profoundly damaging and dangerous these people can be. For your friend, I strongly empathise with him. As a male I think it is that bit harder to get help. It took me about four years just to figure out that I was experiencing narcissistic abuse. I just thought I was with a very difficult person. It was only when I spoke to a new therapist they saw the red flags from what I was describing.

If he has left her, that's the biggest hurdle done. I'm 8 months out of leaving my ex. The road to recovery is long and full of ups and downs, especially when there is a trauma bond involved.

Your friend is lucky to have someone like yourself to support them. Most of my friends I wouldn't be able to discuss stuff like this with.

As I said, the "Surviving narcissism" channel is very useful. I have learned a great deal from it and it's assisted me in not just leaving the abusive ex, but also in the slow process of recovery from the abuse.