Struggling mum

[Milsey]

Hello, I’m a 25 year old mum of two who is happily married and has two beautiful babies.. or so I say.

i am a perfectionist and have ocd tendencies, ( mainly with cleaning and wanting my house to stay perfect)I’m snappy and moody and I get so angry lately. I feel tremendous guilt every night as all I feel like I’m doing is yelling at my kids ( 3.5 and 1.5) what kind of idiot just yells/ screams and cry’s in front of her kids most days. I have a supportive husband but he works so hard that we never have time for each other or if there is time kts something he wants to do. I’m closest to my dad and little sister as my elder sister and mother seem so self absorbed in 4 years I could say I’ve maybe spent time with my mum about 30’ times and that’s just a quick hello she doesn’t have the time of day for my so called drama and not once has been there for me when I’m upset or struggling I get told to get over it I’m dramatic. I don’t have many friends ( I have a lot on my social media but honestly no one makes an effort I’ve had 3 play dates canceled on me and my kids this week and it just sets me into a downward spiral, why do I have no one ? ) I’m too full on with my daughter I’m quick to judge and get angry fast like if she does her picture or spelling wrong ( what is wrong with me who does that) I absolutely hate my appearance and I obsess over it if I feel ugly it ruins my day, my week.. my life. I’m losing control and I just want to run away I can’t keep feeling alone my husband is amazing but even when he suggests something I get frustrated, I get frustrated at his snoring, his eating everything I love him so why do I feel so annoyed by him. I’m impulsive and irrational and I expect too much from my kids. I sleep terribly and drink too much soft drink and coffee as I get so run down. Lately I’ve wanted to run away I don’t want to be like this anymore ..

[Croix]

Dear Milsey~

Being a mum of two young kids is a very difficult and exhausting thing at the best of times and the strain will show with most people. However you seem to have a lot more on your plate, reacting with anger and yelling, being impatient, frustrated and annoyed all of which make you feel bad which adds to a feeling you are not behaving as you should, which in turn increases stress and makes things worse.

On top of that poor sleep, an unhealthy diet plus not feeling good about your looks.

It is a real pity your husband has to devote so much time to work. I can exactly relate to getting annoyed when someone makes a suggestion, normally it shows they don't really understand. A lot of things require a person just to listen and sympathize, not try to fix. Perhaps you might tell your husband what is the best response for him to do?

Wanting all this to stop is very natural, but running away - as you would know - is not really an answer. Have you sought medical help and see if you have become ill, maybe depression or anxiety? If you have already been diagnosed and are under treatment I'd suggest you see you doctor and ask for you regime to be reviewed, it is not working properly.

Of course if you are not seeing a doctor now is the right time to start. You could book a long appointment and say what has been happening and how you have been feeling. I have anxiety and bouts of depression and simply kept getting worse until I got the right help.

Being close to your dad and little sister is a pretty good thing. Can you talk to them and let them know the difficulties you are facing? A pity about your mum, unfortunately there are those who have no idea and are too judgmental. Being told to 'get over it' is something I really dislike and quite frankly I think it is a reflection on the speaker.

While it may be hard to organize I'd suggest you need to do things regularly you enjoy, that you can look forward to and take your mind away from the daily struggle for a little while. I know with kids it is not easy - maybe your sister or someone might look after them occasionally? Getting out from under for even a short time can be really refreshing and benefit long-term.

I've had the correct medical treatment plus the support of my spouse for a long time now and am in a much better place. I was a total mess and improved when I no longer tried to go it alone, I'd imagine you could too.

Croix