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Struggling Mama

Community Member

Hi Im new to this never thought i would turn to an online forum. But im struggling and when i mean struggling i mean struggling. i Have 3 kids of my own and 1 which is prior to previous person. and my partner im with now has 2 prior anyway its been a constant roller coaster as he works in the mines and has a roster of 7 on and 7 off. Anyway The kids are ok apart from my 7 year old daughter who is constantly lying stealing little things blaming things on the other kids and smiling about it, she just doesnt care. im under so much stress that she has gotten to the point were now she is physically abusing the other kids. Kicking,punching,spitting,and now choking them my youngest is only 10 months shes also lied to the police saying i broke her foot but yet shes walking on it and jumping up and down ive taken my daughter to see a councilor but its just not working and she refuses to see them. i have asked why she does all these things and she just laughs and says because its fun or lies saying they are forcing me to do it. but when somebody else askes her it changes to because i always get into trouble or its so i dont get into trouble or it was them that made me she told her little brother aged 2 to cut another brother aged 5 and 10 months. ive tried everything i could think of taking things away from her, sitting in corner but it just doesnt work i have PTSD and is an emotional wreck. What can i do because im starting to sleep with 1 eye open. am i a bad parent why she is doing this?

Also my Partners Son age 5 has also lied to his school and police saying i have bruised him but when making statement at the police station he changed the whole story and for that i have court tomorrow and struggling in all this he also lies and blames everything on the other kids also and when i ask him he just says because. im so frustrated and hurt i just go into my dark space and breakdown i think i have run outta tears and just ready to end the chapter

5 Replies 5

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Jhazavine, welcome to the forum.

First off, I'll just say if ever you are feeling particularly pressured or down on yourself, and may require some immediate assistance, BeyondBlue may be able to help provide some relief on 1300 22 4636, or online chat 3pm-12am at https://online.beyondblue.org.au/WebModules/Chat/InitialInformation.aspx.

From what you've said it seems as though the 7-year-old is having a series of behavioural problems, becoming routinely practiced and are becoming more invasive and dangerous to others. May I ask how long she has been behaving this way? Would there be a rough time period it all began?

You've made the right decision to attempt counseling for your daughter. If it isn't effective for her, I recommend you and your husband find time to attend (either together at once, or separately, to the same counselor). Sometimes it is difficult with problem behaviour to isolate a particular child's treatment. However, if you and your husband are equipped, and carry on what is recommended to your environment at home, this may have a stronger effect on her behaviour.

From my brief experience with problem behaviours, consequences (both good and bad) can be very effective in motivating the desired behaviour. Taking privileges away due to bad behaviour, and giving rewards for good behaviour (even very small rewards, for small behaviours) can be very effective if done consistently. In terms of figuring out the appropriate consequence, proportionate to the behaviour, I advise consulting a counselor or psychologist who specialises in children.

It is entirely possible that your daughter is indeed going through a phase. Lifestyle changes such as a new parent, and possibly being present during a divorce, can have a variety of effects on someone's behaviour. What is important to remember for now is that treatment, behavioural or otherwise, does take time and patience. It is understandable that this has such a strong effect on you. This does not make you a bad parent. It may just be that what needs to be done will take work, which requires persistence, and may be uncomfortable. Also, if you feel like you are struggling it is important to get help for yourself. You being healthy and informed is essential.

I'm confident you will come through this strong and proud of your daughter. It may just seem particularly difficult right now.

I hope I was able to help. Please do reply if you feel comfortable.

All the best,

- FC

Morning FC

She has been behaving like this for about a year now and has just gotten worse. i have tried taking her things off her when naughty and i have treated her when she is good and she loves it but than of a snap of a finger she turns on the kids on a snap of a finger. just yesterday she tried to squash her 2 year old brother in between the single lounge and the wall he was screaming and when i went to look at her she was just standing there laughing at him like it was funny and when i went to tell her to help him she just said it wasnt me.

Ive been on my anti depressants for some time but it isnt working due to all the stress. im not sleeping my depression is getting worse. But i have to focus on my daughter instead of myself because if i cannot figure away to help her i cannot help myself and my kids


Good Morning FC and thank you for replying

My daughter has been like this for about a year but it wasnt as intense as what it is now. just from the past 5-6 weeks thats when shes been getting real bad i have tried taking her things off her and rewarding her when she is good it works for a short amount of time like 5 minutes than she switches all of a sudden specially if she doesnt get her way with anybody. Just yesterday she has squashed her 2 year old brother in between the lounge and the wall and he screamed when i went to have a look she was just standing there smiling laughing at him like it was funny i told her to get him out of there and she rolled her eyes and got him out.

im not sure exactly what im doing wrong but it has gotten to the point where my anti depressants are no longer working and im finding it real hard to handle this.

Hi Jhazavine,

Obviously without seeing or knowing your daughter it is impossible to tell, but having done some children's therapy work in the past, it is a possibility that she is showing early signs of a personality disorder such as ASD, which is not at all your fault and there is nothing you could have done to cause it. Of course in very young children normally psychologists are hesitant to diagnose this as it is entirely possible it could be just a phase, but if able at all, I would recommend seeing a developmental psychologist who specialises in children so that if this is the case, she can begin treatment as soon as possible. It does seem like her behaviour goes a bit beyond regular 'naughty' behaviour and there is absolutely no need to struggle on your own and blame yourself 🙂

Hi Jhazavine

Jessica couldn't have put it better: there's a chance it is only a phase, albeit an extreme one, yet there is a chance it is the beginning of something work treating (the earlier the better).

A developmental psychologist could prove helpful, considering the behaviour is beyond that of typical naughtiness. This way, whether it's a phase or something else, you're getting the best help from the start.

We're here for you, and if you're comfortable, feel free to share and discuss any updates and concerns.


- FC