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Struggling in relationship with depressed partner and need advice

Community Member

Hi everyone,

In short, I've been in a relationship for about 2 years with someone who I love very much. However we have had a lot of problems, mostly I think due to his depression and a huge lack of communication.

I'm at a stage where I just don't know what to do anymore and hoping some advice might give me the support I need to either find ways to better care for myself in our relationship, or to leave.

Some of the time, our relationship is great. We love spending time with each other and we've talked about plans for our future. We have lots of fun and I get along well with his friends and family.

His depression is always evident though. He has lots of negative thoughts, often doesn't want to attend events etc with me (or even leave the couch) and our sex life is non-existent. But I've learnt to accept those things and still want this. I've done lots of reading/ talking with others about depression.

It's whenever depression hits him really hard that we have problems. When that happens, he completely ignores that I exist. There have been many times that I've been ignored for weeks or months at a time. (But he only ignores me- he's completely normal with everyone else). When he resumes contact, he acts as if nothing has happened. I try to talk to him about it but he doesn't want to so I find myself treading on eggshells for fear of the cycle repeating. But regardless of what I do/ say/ don't say, he still decides to ignore me every so often and I'm left completely distraught.

Currently I haven't heard from him for 3 weeks. I've tried to call/ text and when he hasn't responded I've done my best to be patient and give him time and space. But it's driving me crazy. My emotions are all over the place, a lot of pain, anger and lots of questions running through my head, eg what have I done now?

Then I get spurts of trying to be positive and find the strength to push through it. But I'm finding myself completely stuck and I'm not able to do anything to help the situation or myself. It's started to take its toll on my mental and physical health, I'm feeling anxious socially (especially with any mutual friends) and I'm not sleeping or eating properly which is affecting my work life too.

Within the 2 years we've been together, I'd say this silent treatment thing has probably happened about 10 times, and it seems to be happening more frequently the longer we go on.

I love him and I want us to work out but not sure what to do anymore.

Any thoughts?

10 Replies 10

Community Member

Hellow everyone I'm here just to share are insite on how my life is well it's like this my partner an I have being together for 4 years an in that 4 years it's being he'll for her an I speaking honestly we had some good times those times I loved the most but anyway as we where together after the second years of being together I started chatting other girls but never incounted no no she got upset hurt an I promise I wouldn't do that again yeahhh well bullshit I was so on an so on I did it 3 years later still together an I couldn't believe how lucky I was fighting an fighting she did for us to keep us together an man I was blinde know it's come to the point she's had enough an wants to move out an I gotta say I wouldn't blame her but know at the same time i feel lost hurt confused fear for my life an wounder what can I do to make things rite it will hurt to see her go I would drop to my knees an beg for forgiveness so what I'm trying to say I'm really depressed down an out insecure I just want help to see what's my options I want to fix this hopefully get myself healthy again an for God sake this insecure that's in my head 24/7 want gone