FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Announcement Icon
You can win one of three $200 gift cards. Complete our survey by 5pm, 30 June 2024 AEST to enter the draw. Your response will be anonymous so you can't be identified.

Should I pursue this relationship

Bluesky3000
Community Member

I met a guy early April this year. We liked each other. He was a bit conservative, but in the following days since we met, he texted and called me everyday. He said I was like a book and could complement a man like him. 3 weeks later, he left to WA for a contract job which initially was 2 months, but extended later.

At the beginning, we kept in touch. Mid June, he called me. He said he liked to have a conversation with me and he wish one day he wouldn't give me a reason to upset me... He also said we missed each other and fell in love. He said this wasn't for gilling but serious....He sounded happy on the phone, but he also told me that someone at work had different opinion from him and took it personally...I could feel his work might not be that smooth...That conversation last one hour and a half....

However, after this conversation, he never contacted me. I texted him, but he never replied. On one afternoon 4 months later, I got his call. He came back from WA. His voice sounded not very happy. He said that might be because pf the warm and windy weather. I asked when he came back, he just said 'recently'. Also the week before he went for an job interview but failed...He asked what happened to me in those days, and he said he missed my voice...When I asked him why he didn't contact me, he just said 'he didn't know, maybe he had low energy and brain packed with other things...' He asked to catch up that night. On the first sight, I could see he wasn't as happy as before...He told me he had an issue with his manager, the environment he worked had bad condition...The next day, he dropped me off at my office.. I felt he wasn't as close to me as before.. Before I left, he didn't kiss me and just did a call posture... That afternoon, there was heavy rain.. I got a message from him, asking if I was ok and got soaked.... However in the following days, he never took the first to contact me...I called him asking what had happenned and if there was anything wrong between us. He said he need his own time, he didn't like himself and didn't have the right to like other people, he wasn't in that best shape to be in any relationship...I asked if he didn't want to keep going me, if so I wish he could tell me clearly.. However, he said nothing wrong with me, it was all about him...

I am so confused now... Does he still like me? Does he still want to be with me? Why doesn't he contact me? What should I do now?

15 Replies 15

Hi Bluesky3000,

Wow, I can see how much this is hurting you, I am just a loss for how to explain this as I just cannot speak for his actions. I don't even know where to start which I can see why it is confusing you also. The whole situation sounds very confusing, I do think he had those feelings for you before and did mean what he was saying but you can't control people's feelings and if he is indeed not in love with you as he says then all you can do is try you absolute best to move on. I know it is hard and I know you do not want too and you are trying to make sense of it all but at the same time some things cannot be made sense of. You have done all the right things speaking to him and trying to work it out but a person can only take so much until they realise it is time to move on and trying to forget about this person. It is hard and tough but time does in fact heal all wounds.

My best,

Jay

Yes Jay, I am trying to move on, I am trying all my best to move on...I know time will cure but it is so hard at the moment...so frustrated...It makes me feel like I am a woman no one will like me...

I know we can't control a person's feeling...I just can't understand how a person could change his feeling so quickly? He said many times that he was really into my smile and like my voice which could calm him down...The night when we knew he would leave for work, we had a deep chat, he told me what happened to him before, how he felt about relationship...That was why I never doubt his feelings...The phone call back in June last one hour and a half.. He sounded really happy. His words made me feel we would have a future...But suddenly all seemed have changed... I just couldn't make sense of it... If he really had feeling about me, how could he changed suddenly and so quickly?... If he already changed his mind, why did he still call me to say those words???....

Hi Bluesky3000,

I understand what you are saying, I just wish I had a good response to give you as to why he has changed so quickly and why he said all of these things to you that almost has lead you on. Making sense of stuff like this is so hard and I bet if he was asked he probably wouldn't be able to make sense of it either, he seemed to really be invested in you and you seemed to make him so happy so why he would turn doesn't make any sense.

I do wish I had advice to offer on why he was doing this, but I do not, it is just so hard to comment on from an outside perspective.

My best,

Jay

Hi Bluesky3000

Sometimes men can be scared to get too close to someone else. It is called avoidant attachment. His behaviour certainly seems to fit this picture. Some men feel low self worth. Like they are not worthy of someone else's love. Maybe he had a traumatic childhood. Men sometimes reach out and form a relationship but can't quite commit to it. Sometimes it is easier for them to communicate by text or phone rather than in person.

He is signalling to you that he does not want a close relationship with you with real emotional intimacy.

I am sorry you are hurting. He may be a very nice guy but it sounds as if he will not bring you the close, fulfilling relationship you are after.

Maybe it would help for you to think about the type of relationship you would like so you will be ready for one like this sometime in the future.

Take care.

xx

Thanks Libby1..

I am confused what kind of person he is...Sometimes I think I am no good enough for him, sometimes I think he might trick me from the beginning....

Recently, I found he started to date someone else...

Hi Bluesky3000,

Sorry to hear he has started dating someone, that is not good to hear from your point of view. I know it is tough but now is the best time to start moving on and finding ways to move on from him, he doesn't have your best interests at heart and that just isn't worth your time.

My best,

Jay