Sexual Health and the Idea of Never Having a Partner

[Azzdog]

Hi everyone, I'm not sure how to put this but hopefully it will make sense.

I am a 24 year old male who currently is in therapy and sees a psychologist regularly. I have OCD, anxiety, depression, and autism, and when you put those all together, it becomes understandable why socialising is a major problem for me. One major cause of my current situation is the fact that I have never hd a girlfriend or had sex. Because we live in the digital age, it is almost impossible to avoid the fact that a lot of people are in relationships and that modern society is obsessed with the concept of sex. You would almost have to live on a deserted island in order to completely avoid all the triggers associated with it.

My cause of concern is that I have no one that I can relate to on this and that I feel like I struggle to articulate how bad it is for my mental health. My psychologist says that I am well in the normal distribution for young men but that doesn't really make me feel any better. Because I am shy, introverted, and have a lot of hobbies and interests that are not in line with contemporary society, I genuinely feel like I will never have a girlfriend, never have sex, and die alone. This fact alone has meant in the past 6 months, I have had 5 separate stints in a psychiatric ward due to concerns of my own safety. I was wondering if there are any other young men out there who feel the same way and are currently in the same boat, and if there are any young mens health groups around? I feel the latter would be important for me and reassure me that I am not the only one who feels this way.

[Sophie_M]

Hi Azzdog, 

We're writing as we are concerned about you and want to let you know that our Support Service have sent you an email wanting to get in touch.

It's great that you have come to our safe and supportive community and we are so grateful that you have. The communtiy are here for you, please know that things can get better. 

We would strongly recommend giving our wonderful friends at Lifeline a call - 13 11 14, they can talk to you and help you through difficult moments. 

Keep reaching out to us and letting us know how you are when you feel up to it. 

[Azzdog]

I'm still struggling immensely. The reason why I don't like calling is because I'll have to tell someone my entire life story in which they will just recommend basic strategies to help me get through this day. I feel like I need more help in my non-existent love life. I don't want self-care suggestions because I do them every day.

I really wish I had help.

[Azzdog]

And another thing, women need to understand that I am pretty shy when you first meet me. I probably won't impress you when you first meet me. It takes a while to build a connection with me. In this generation of instant gratification thats not enough. They want you to instantly impress them with muscles and being an arrogant prick. I have strong values and principles and I have strong convictions about where I want to go in my life. Yet this is not the confidence, that women in this day and age, like.

CAN EVERYONE SEE MY PROBLEM NOW?!?!?!?! I AM A DISEASED, MENTALLY CHALLENGED MORON!!!!!!!!!!

I AM NOT ATTRACTIVE. I AM MESSED UP IN THE HEAD WHILE THICK SKULLED MORONS GET ALL THE WOMEN!!!!!!!!!!

[Azzdog]

we don't live in a fair world. some people never have a partner and never fall in love. that will be me.

[smallwolf]

Azzdog,

You are correct about the fact we live in an unfair world. I cannot deny this. There are numerous quotes on the Internet that demonstrate this, or will challenge this. Even Peter Ustinov said this, but also said that sometimes in is unfair in your favor.

One area where I can disagree with you in your thought that you are a moron (your words). Your education and current studies are evidence of this. In fact I would also think that some of those thick skulled moron would like to have your intellect?

But I cannot help you find love. I could say dont watch TV, or dont listen to the radio. I know there are books about finding love with autism. But would that help you?

Can I ask what your counsellor or psychologist thinks or suggests you do? Are you still seeing them?

Breath in and out, that is all we can do - second by second, day by day. Put those worry thoughts into a box to worry about at a set time of day? I am concerned for you.

Tim

[Azzdog]

I'm not sure if they would. Ignorance is bliss and I reckon what makes them so confident is just how little they know of global geopolitics. We are in a very precarious situation that makes me feel very scared about the future.

My counsellor wants to send me to hospital. I don't want to go because its not a place where anyone cares out you or it won't make anything better in the long run.

I may be about to get access to book about dating for people with autism but I don't know if that will help me. I am clearly doing something wrong that puts women off. I talk to them in a civil and kind way with a bit of banter but that does nothing.

Some people never have a relationship. It never happens for them. Thats the world we live and thats going to be my reality.

[blondguy]

Hi Aaron

Can I ask how your was...if thats okay?

You are a intelligent and proactive with your health by posting with us on the forums

I am rapt you are here with us 🙂

my kind thoughts

Paul

[smallwolf]

Azzdog,

On reading... You might be right? But I tend to find that I get something out of every book I read. And I read to learn. I am currently reading the book of joy by Tutu and the Dalai Lama. And there are quotes in there I can take with me. Or there is that aha moment where things make sense. Even if you only got 2 ideas from a book, doesn't that make it worthwhile?

You seem quite certain in that last statement? And yet we don't know what tomorrow will bring? Or the day after.

On hospital... I am certain that they are also concerned about you? That should count for something? Some of your recent posts were concerning to the admins here? And I would like one day to talk music with you.

Tim

[PamelaR]

Hi Azzdog

Yes you do sound like you're struggling at the moment. I can see why too.

But can you explain what's the rush for having a relationship? There is so much I see in your life - your studies, your hobbies and interests. Then there's your music. Composing music isn't easy - it takes talent, creativity. You have a lot there.

Why do you think going to hospital isn't going to help in the long run?

Apart from suggesting you go to hospital, what does your psychologist say about your feelings of low self worth and low self esteem?

We're listening and hearing you Aaron. Keep reaching out to us.

Kind regards

PamelaR

[Azzdog]

My week has been awful to be honest. I am fighting everyday to stay alive. I keep seeing people in relationships and I cannot imagine myself in that position. I am not an attractive person. There is nothing about me that is attractive, guys without a braincell are more attractive than me just because they are confident. Yet what I've noticed on this forum is that we often get confidence mistaken for arrogance or bravado. I am sick to death of seeing this all over the place and yet I cannot fix it. No matter how hard I try.

I could get ideas out of the book but then when women take one look at me and see my personality they run for the hills. 

I am certain because there is nothing objectively attractive about me. I play guitar, write music, studying to be a teacher, I am a keen traveller, I like history and classical literature, I like sports, I like boardgames, etc the list is endless. Yet that's not attractive because I'M NOT CONFIDENT. Like confidence is the be all and end all. I reckon its why a lot of relationships end so abruptly because the woman realises that the man was confident but had nothing else. He was just a boring sack of crap. Yet what would I know? 

I don't want to go to hospital because it will only delay the inevitable. And the nurses there never give a damn about me. I don't know what I am meant to do. I have everything (I think) yet women treat me like garbage.