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Seeking Relationship / Breakup Advice

Confused123456789
Community Member

I recently broke up with my boyfriend, we were long distance and this became a major issue as he could not commit to anything more consistent for at least the next 2 years. This was the only reason we ended up breaking up, besides this we were good to each other and we got along really well.

We have had no contact since breaking up (3 weeks ago) and he immediately deleted me from all social media, which I assume is due to him being hurt.

I have had a very quick rollercoaster of emotions... serious depression, sadness, anger and at some stages I even feel like I’ve accepted the breakup, I am aware this sounds like a very quick process over a very short period.

I am travelling interstate shortly to where he lives due to an event a friend is holding (seperate friends, he will not be at the event).

I would like to make contact with him to see if he would like to catch up while I am there, however I am worried about affecting either of our mental health if this is the wrong decision.

I would give him the option of not responding at all if he didn’t think it was appropriate for me to ask and would let him know I would not harbour any ill feelings if he chose not to.

Do you think it is a good or bad idea to make contact? Will I set us both back in our healing process or is it a positive move to try and maintain a friendship?

I am honestly not sure if he would be happy to hear from me as we didn’t breakup on bad terms or if he would be annoyed at me for making contact and “interfering” in his life (for lack of a better word).

I have written a very polite text, giving him multiple options to say “no” or not even reply, however I am unsure if I should send it or not?

I am very wary everyone deals / reacts to breakups differently and I would not want to set him or myself back in our healing process or affect either of our mental health.

Any advice would be appreciated

3 Replies 3

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Confused, and a warm welcome to the forums.

I'm sorry to hear of what has happened, but long distance relationships are not easy to maintain, no matter how much you love each other.

Can I be honest and say that I wouldn't contact him when you go interstate, simply because he has removed you from his social media, which I'm really sorry this has happened, but you don't know whether or not he has someone else who he is going out with.

If this is the case then making contact will certainly upset you and that's what we don't want.

The temptation will be to contact him, but try and stay strong for own health.

I'm sorry but that's how I think from experience.

Take care.

Geoff.

Betternow
Community Member

Good morning Confused.

Let me attempt to try and reduce your confusion. I’m assuming you were the person who initiated the break up. Break ups are never easy and it is normal to experience thoughts of regret and possibly self blame.

I totally agree with Geoff. Don’t contact him. Allow him the space and freedom to deal with his pain. If you contact him he may see it as a sign of hope for the relationship. In these emotional situations, it is easy to misread intentions. Good luck.

Confused123456789
Community Member

Thanks for reaching out, it has been helpful to get the opinions of others not directly involved or who knew us as a couple.

I have decided not to contact him or anyone he knows so that he is not aware I am in the area.

I think leaving him to heal and not possibly resurface any painful feelings is best and if he wishes to make contact in the future, it is probably best to let him do this on his on accord.

Thanks for everyones helpful input 🙂