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Relationship problems

Jameson
Community Member

I've been with my partner now for 7months (same sex relationship) it started out really well. I couldn't believe how happy I was. Now things have changed slowly over the past few months I've noticed some narcissistic qualities about him. The relationship now isn't fair and is quite one sided. I get abused each day get called names just to point out he's never physically hurt me.

when I do get upset and come to him after an argument usually I get told to grow up. He makes me feel worthless at times and I do not know how to react anymore. I don't feel like the same person that I once was. In some ways I'm better for the relationship and in other ways I don't really know what's happening to me. He will apologise after arguments and say sorry for calling me names, but it keeps happening. I'm scared somewhat of how he will react if I need sometime apart just to get myself right. Him having these narcissistic qualities worries me as I'm not sure what he'll do next. I just don't know why to do next 😞

3 Replies 3

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hi Jameson, if your relationship has been one sided and he emotionally abuses you, does by saying sorry mean anything to you, or can we relate this back to when the husband abuses his wife, but she keeps on accepting him back until eventually she leaves.
It seems that you are in a dominating relationship which you will never be able to handle or overcome what you are suffering from, and if you decide to have a break or leave then I would suggest you do it when he's not home, but before this you will need to organise where you are going, perhaps change the sim card, because if he knows where you are and rings you then the abuse will fly.
It does seem as though it's not how you want your life to be like, but remember you have to look after yourself first and foremost. Geoff.

romantic_thi3f
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi Jameson,

Thanks for reaching out and I'm sorry that you're in this situation.

I just want to commend you for reaching out as often when people get into these situations where they are being abused they struggle to realise that it's not okay and that they don't deserve it. The fact that you can identify that this is not normal and you shouldn't have to put up with this is a big deal.

The biggest priority that I see is that you feel safe. If you cannot feel safe in your own home or with your partner than things need to change.

Is this a conversation that you could have with your partner when he is calm;- about how you feel like it's unfair that you're being treated this way? If your partner can see that he's lashing out and being inappropriate then he's more likely to understand how it's hurting you; but if he struggles to see that then it may be harder.

If this is not something that you're comfortable doing with it may be more helpful to try and leave more discreetly; such as with friends/family or support from people you know.

It's also important to make sure that you have lots of support from people around you; whether that's to listen, to provide advice or to help reassure you that you have the right to be safe and free from abuse. Abuse is abuse whether it's verbal or physical, and you don't deserve it.

pipsy
Community Member

Hi Jameson. Narcissist's seldom, if ever, admit they have caused a problem, or that they actually have a problem. A narc has to be in control and will often complain that they are a loving, devoted spouse who just wants what's best for everyone. If the narc abuses family members, they usually manage to twist things so they seem to be 'right' and all they are doing is 'teaching' everyone the right way, which is usually 'their' way. Geoff has given you some great advice in connection to leaving, only you know if you are strong enough and where you can go. Be aware that if you do decide to leave, be careful who you tell. Narc's are masters at finding people and will use every trick to locate someone, as leaving them is seen as total betrayal.

Lynda