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Relationship Help

Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member
Hi guys, I need some advice on my relationship. My fiancé and I have been together for approx. 4 years and we have a (almost) 3 year old daughter together. I also have 2 sons from a previous marriage that stay with us every second weekend. I feel like over time he has lost his affection towards me. He looks annoyed sometimes when I give him a hug or a kiss, we are rarely intimate (although it doesn't help that our daughter still sleeps in our room). I don't believe he is attracted to me anymore but I have put on a bit of weight and don't feel attractive in myself. I have tried to talk to him about it so many times and I am forever asking him what is wrong or whether he still loves me and he says there is nothing wrong and he loves me. I used to feel like we were best friends but now I feel like he has shut me out. Lately when I try and have a conversation with him he seems really disinterested and when I get upset about something, even if it's not relationship related he gets annoyed and has now said a few times, "what is it this time?". I have said to him I just need a hug and some reassurance and he has given me an excuse as to why he can't like he doesn't feel well or he is exhausted. I have depression and anxiety and it must take its toll on him but he also has social anxiety and anger issues that are difficult to live with too. I'm not sure if he is depressed as he seems like it at times but he says he isn't. I'm scared he will leave me and I'm not sure how I will cope. I had two long term relationships before this one and both ended in a similar way where I felt for a period of time that they were cold towards me and lacking in affection/love before they left me. I also believe that one of them cheated on me and the other- my ex husband- was planning to be with another woman while he was ending our relationship as he was in regular contact with her and then a relationship starting with her almost immediately after we separated. I don't know what I should do to fix this and where I have gone wrong each time. Please help me! 
11 Replies 11

Hey Snoopy

I have read your story and one thing that sticks out at me is your daughter. Like every problem it's good to tackle one thing at a time. They say sleep deprivation is like torture. I think a good place to start is getting you more sleep which will help you in many ways.

We had many sleep issues with our son. Mind you he was just over 12 months old when we tackled it but it sounds very similar to your case. We ended up going to a doctor and it was the best thing we ever did. Basically it is controlled crying but the way he explains why you need to do it is very logical. We had tried leaving our son cry previously. He would vomit and we would abort the mission. Basically we stuck through it after seeing the doctor - yes he vomited, we quickly bathed him, changed his sheets and put him back to bed and continued. In a few nights problem solved. I definitely recommend looking into it. It restored our sanity.

Now it's not addressing your relationship directly but it's a major negative energy draining ball on your life which you can fix quite quickly . It's a start to turning your life around. Get more positive energy in your life like exercise, eating well and being more focused on yourself and not your partner and you'll be well on your way. Yes, that means be less needy on your partner. You can do it. Start by focusing on yourself for a change 🙂

I didn't realise that you can't name specific doctors on this site. Just google "The Baby Sleep Doctor"