Relationship Difficulties

[Lyssaa]

Hi everyone,

My boyfriend and I have been together for nearly six months. We're both nineteen, full-time uni students doing pretty full-on degrees, and on top of that we both work casual/part-time jobs. Things are pretty good between us, we hardly argue and the time we spend together is relaxing and enjoyable, but there are a few things about our relationship which bother me slightly that are out of control. Him and I live an hour drive apart with no traffic, on top of us both being busy, so as a result we don't see each other as often as we'd both like. We see each other at uni on Thursdays and Fridays, and on Wednesdays he drives down to spend 6-7 hours with me at my house. However, he has strict parents, which means he can't sleepover at mine, and I can't stay the night at his. I've met his parents once, and they both like me, but whenever he comes over to mine he has to change his location on his phone, because he knows they'll be like "oh, why are you always at her house, you'll bother her family" and if he tells them that my family isn't home, they'll be like "oh... why are you over then?" (strict Christian parents). It sucks because I see my friends with their boyfriends nearly every day because they live so much closer together, and they're involved in each other's families. On top of all that, he'll probably have to do FIFO work or work elsewhere at some point in the future because he's studying mechanical engineering and is looking into internships. 

I love him, I really do, but it's hard sometimes because we're both so busy, and there's the distance plus his parents on top of that. Does anyone in a similar situation have any advice as to how they manage to navigate this and how they keep themselves sane?? 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I'm 67yo and will declare I'm an atheist.

Some parents especially common with religious ones, have fears, like a child out of wedlock that was common before the 1980's. My parents couldnt wait till my sister married her BF and rushed them into it.

So such fear and standards they are set with, they wont change so the solution doesnt involve them doing so.

At 19yo your BF is likely to be less advanced than yourself in a few way, independence, emotional and so on even though it might not show. The answer to this is tricky but it involves how determined your BF is to break away physically from his parents in order to lead a more independent life. 

The one thing that concerns me here is how you could judge your BF if he cannot break away. Please dont confuse his level of love for you if he finds it hard to do for the next couple of years. He is in a tough position.

So, his choices matter and they are difficult because really they are treating him like a 15yo. I would suggest that you point out to him he is an adult, he is old enough to vote, drive and so on and make his own decisions. But the draw/influence his parents have on him is huge.

Then there is your level of love for him... Do you love him enough to marry him? In this era marriage isnt thought of so young, but every situation is different and I dont know how you feel about that nor your BF. Could he move out to a place of his own? A unit?

So, there is many questions for you and he to answer. I'm afraid he might not be ready to move out going by how much influence he has on his own life and decisions.

What do you think?

TonyWK