Hi Cooper,
Apologies for not responding earlier - I have been dealing with a few personal issues.
I'm so glad you've taken the very positive step of making an appointment with your GP. As Mary suggested, take a copy of your posts or thread and after your GP has read them, that will get the ball rolling and make it much easier for you to open up.
I deeply regret the two and a half years I spent in a toxic relationship. I ignored advice from family members, friends and, even my previous psychiatrist, to leave my ex after about 4 months into the relationship.
I constantly made excuses for his behaviour, blamed myself for somehow triggering his emotional and psychological abuse and managed to convince myself I was overreacting to my situation.
My ex managed to lower what was already a poor sense of self-esteem by constantly putting me down, had me questioning my intelligence and sanity through manipulation and, after about a year into the relationship, began controlling access to my friends and family. He was also verbally abusive and I was constantly walking on eggshells, trying to avoid setting him off on one of his irrational rages.
After the abuse, he was always very contrite, telling me he didn't deserve me, how much I meant to him etc., etc.
I became extremely worn down, both mentally and physically and finally managed to end the relationship, over a six week period, with the support of family members and my psychiatrist.
After I was finally free of him, my psychiatrist suggested I attend a support group for women who had survived domestic abuse - physical, emotional or psychological. It was the best thing that he could have suggested. All of us in the support group carried scars, whether physical or psychological.
You are absolutely taking the right action in speaking to a professional. As Mary wrote, you were sufficiently concerned to write to the forums, so on some level you must be aware that you have an issue that needs to be looked at seriously.
Take heart that you're not alone. I found Elizabeth's post very uplifting and am very glad she was able to take the positive step she did.
I do hope all goes well with the visit to your GP. Mary, Elizabeth and myself understand what you're going through and we're concerned about you. I think I can speak for us all when I say that we hope you can resolve the situation and that you will be in a better place, for your emotional and physical well-being, very soon.
Take care of yourself.
lh
