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Reflecting on a friendship, is it worth it?

YellowPoppy
Community Member

I have a friend who I have had issues with on and off but was a very close friend.
She was actually one of the first friends I spoke to about what I've been going through.
And at the start she was really great, supportive, checking in. But then I didn't hear from her for 2 week, I sent her a message to start a conversation and she replied but not in anyway to continue talking.

I received a message from her yesterday, checking in with me. Now I don't want to make any rash decisions at the moment because I know I'm emotionally volatile and I need to stabalise, but I am also feeling like I am only useful to this friend when she needs something and I don't want to communicate with her, but I don't want to be rude and just ignore her.

Does anyone have any advice for me?
4 Replies 4

Rabbit33
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hi YellowPoppy,

Sadly there are many people out there that use friends as a 'friend for convenience' however, if you had previously spoken with her about your situation and she was really great. I think you should give her another chance. We all have things going on in our lives and she may have just been caught in the moment of something and hasn't realised that her distance and short responses have made you feel pushed to the side.
Especially if she has messaged checking in with you..

If she does it a couple more times, it may be worth trying to address it with her and how you're feeling. Have you got anyone else in your support group that you feel comfortable with talking to? It helps to have a few people.

Hope you're okay. 🙂

Hey Rabbit,

Yes she was supportive and helpful, but only when prompted. I had to send her a message and then she would ask me how I was.

I have 2 other friends who i talk to almost daily, and it's not always about how I am. We just talk about anything and it helps.

I have my mum and boyfriend who are my main carers. And one of my brothers who I'm speaking to more regularly.

I am also seeing a psychologist weekly.

I am also speaking to my sisters in law (my boyfriends brothers girlfriends)

This has been an on going pattern with this friend. She visits when there's drama in her life, she calls when she has a problem, she texts when she wants to complain about her boyfriend.

How I'm doing and feeling is a side note.
And I'm not going to speak to her or decide anything yet because I can't trust how I'm feeling. But I'm also finding speaking with people, my friends, quite exhausting, it drains my energy so I'd rather use that energy on the people who have made an effort.


Thanks for replying to me, I was quite upset when I first wrote this and I may have misrepresented the situation

I'm doing well and I do have a good support system and I'm surrounded by care and love, luckily.

How are you doing?

Hope to hear back but no pressure.

YP

Hi YelloPoppy,

It definitely sounds like you have a lot of caring, loving and supportive people in your life. That is really nice to hear.
It sounds like you're a bit overwhelmed with a few things at the moment. it's okay to take a timeout from certain friends and only focus on the ones closest to you, who have shown an effort. You need to put yourself first and make sure your overall health is the number 1 priority.

I think it's a really good idea also that you're not going to react or say anything yet to your other friend. Sometimes in the heat of the moment, we say things we may not have if we had let the emotions settle a little. I usually sleep on things and if i'm still feeling a certain way, then i know its upsetting me and something should be said. (But that's me)

So long as you have other people you can reach out to, i would just keep her maybe at arms length for the time being until you've boosted your self-esteem.
Also realise that you may be her only support group and the person she relies on to help her through her life struggles, so try not to judge so quickly. Ask yourself, 'why?', Why is she acting like this, and see if you can work out what's going on.

Anyway, best of luck! You're strong! You got this 🙂

Hey Rabbit,

Thanks so much! You've been so helpful and I appreciate it allot.

I'll keep you updated.

Hope your well