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Red flags

MissJ94
Community Member

Im so cautious when it comes to dating.

Ive been hurt too many times in previous relationships to easily trust anyone again.

Ive heard too many stories of people not being cautious enough, getting married, putting all their faith in someone else, have their kids with this person and then everything goes down south and they end up in a messy breakup and fighting over the kids.

As a mum of one, that terrifies me. I feel lucky that my sons father isnt in our lives because i know for sure it would majorly negatively affect my mental health if his father was battling to take my son.

Ive been talking to this guy for a while now who i met on a dating app. Not the best way to meet someone but im either too busy to go out anywhere or too isolated to go out with non existing friends.

He always seems so nice and open and accepting which has been great, i havent had anyone stick around this long before without actually meeting in real life. I keep putting off meeting due to my own insecurities(i really feel like i need someone who will try their hardest to meet and to help bring me out of my shell, that prooves them selves that i can put trust in someone).

A recent message from this guy though it indicated hes in talks with other women too though. This guy has known for ages the suburb where i live and today it just seemed he has mixed up who he was talking to and saying that my own suburb where i had to do something was a bit of a trek compared to somewhere i need to go next week.

It just crushed me a little because this is the only guy im talking to while it seems that im not the only one hes talking to. We did have a discussion about where we stand and both are looking to forward things but now im very hesitant. Like my walls have sprung back up more solid than ever.

Am i over reacting?

I just wish this was easier!

2 Replies 2

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

I don't think you're over reacting at all. We should, when looking for a potential partner, seek out the best for us, the most compatible, that ticks all the boxes.

However a few things about your post. Firstly, you may well be keen about this man that dates other women, obviously he isn't committed to one yet and might never be, so why not do the same, keep dating until that one guy fills your dreams monogamously?

Perhaps my next comment is minor but worth mentioning.

"....sure it would majorly negatively affect my mental health if his father was battling to take my son."

As a dad that has two grown up daughter's but were 7 and 4yo when separated, their mother commented often how she didn't want me to "go to court to take her children off her". They are our children. As a dad I'm 50% a parent.

I hope you spread your wings further that will enhance your chances of finding that special person.

TonyWK

Guest_3256
Community Member

Hey there.

I loved reading your story because what you are experiencing is totally normal, especially if you two are not dating or in a relationship yet.

Instant gratification never does anybody any good, take it nice and slow, focus on connecting more, learn more about him.

Also, some people have one or more people. I was talking to more than 10 guys at one point, feeling lots of attention, weeding out the crazies and making sure I marketed myself better and focused more on the people I felt more physically and mentally attracted too.

In the end, I deleted the app and am now just being single and now just focusing on my carer. So what ever you decide to do, dating is defiantly a game and when you win, you win.