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Partner has been lying

Community Member
so about 2mnths ago I was suspicious that my partner was chatting to other women and I had this feeling for a while. I finally decided after asking and getting no where to go thru his phone which came up with multiple pics and videos that had been exchanged with women. I then asked him about and he said yes he had met up with 1 but only to drop some stuff off to her and didn't believe him at all so I decided to msg this girl a month ago and she responded a week ago saying she had no idea about me and the kids and felt guilty (wasn't her fault) she also showed me a msg that he had sent to her a month prior saying im sorry I have a family please don't tell her anything.
We had quite a good conversation and she came out with all the answers I needed to know. They had met up once back in April (I checked my msgs from back then between partner and I and he had a diff story) she also said that they were going to meet up again on a date a sea later and it worked out to be the same date as i miscarried.
We had a good/great sex life but during covid our let our hair down nights became an everyday thing for him as i am working i knew but didn't know how bad it got. After confronting him with all the facts he then somehow made it my issue as i didn't have time for him (he was out every night) 😏
He then blamed her saying she was all over him and what was he spos to do 🤔
I told him I needed my space and took off my engagement ring he then started to accuse me of cheating (I am loyal to a fault) and started crying saying he would kill himself, that i dont care about his feelings and it meant nothing.. ao last night I thought i would let my hair down a bit and as we were becoming touchy with each other I couldn't get what happened out of my head, at the start he was cool and gave me my space to breath but this morning he has woken saying last night was a waste of time.
I love him we have been through so much together but I dont trust him. He doesn't understand how hurt I am considering when we met he knew that cheating was a big "NO" for me and he agreed
He is constantly looking over my shoulder if I am on my phone and becomes very over the top when he doesn't get the answers that he wants me to say and it makes me nervous.
3 Replies 3


Welcome to the forums, Lost in my Thoughts. We are so sorry to hear about what you you're going through at the moment with your partner. We think you are such a strong person to have been through so much and we are really grateful that you were brave enough to reach out to the forums to share your feelings and experiences. Please know that you've come to a safe, non-judgemental space to express yourself, and our wonderful community is here to provide you with as much support, advice and conversation as you need.

We would also recommend reaching out to an organisation called Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277. They provide relationship support services for individuals, families and communities and aim to support all people in Australia to achieve positive and respectful relationships.

We'd also welcome to contact the Beyond Blue Support Service, which is available anytime on 1300 22 4636 or through Webchat 3pm-12am AEST here: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport One of the friendly counsellors can offer you some support but also provide you with advice and referrals to help you through this.

Hopefully a few of our welcoming community members will pop by to welcome you and offer some words of support and advice. We hope that you keep checking in to let us know how you're going, whenever you feel up to it.

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor
Hi Lost in my Thoughts,

I'm so glad you got to the bottom of things but I'm not glad for the betrayal and hurt you must feel. It's a massive shock to the system finding out a partner has been cheating in the relationship and he had plans to continue by the sounds of things; " they were going to meet up again on a date".
Your suspicions were right just like mine were when I felt that my partner was cheating on me.

I guess the next qtn is what's your next step? Are you willing to work through all this with your partner, get him help and continue the relationship, or go your separate ways?

If he's willing to get help from a professional like a psychologist I think that would be a really good step. I feel he owes this to you.

My ex partner didn't get any help and continues to be a womanizer, even now that he's married with kids.

They need to be held accountable.

He made contact with the dr to get a mental health plan. So thats a bonus! But im not sure whether or not I'm staying or leaving. As we are in restrictions atm with covid we are staying put in the family home together until we decide to stay or sell.
He wants my answers to his questions to be black and white and I can't answer them yet, because I don't know if I will be able to get over the betrayal. It's hard knowing his lips, hands ect. Have touched someone else when it shouldn't have and it makes me feel sick to the stomach .