Partner frustrating me with marriage

[Little_lollipop]

Hey everyone I am really struggling right now and could use some advice. I have been with my current partner for almost 12 years with two kids. After 5 years, he proposed but then about a month later he left me. We got back together and about a year after I mentioned marriage again. He promised it would be 'soon' but he still hasn't done it 6 years on. I approached him more than a few times and he always has an excuse. I love him but I feel like he will never do it. He only wants to drink and smoke on the weekend, we rarely do anything fun or go on dates so we had an argument. He just went to bed instead of resolving it. Now I'm all worked up and upset. I struggle with depression and anxiety so I'm a mess and blaming myself. I don't know what to do. Should I leave? Or wait? I'm at my wits end and a total mess over this frustration!

[demonblaster]

Hi Lolli welcome to a magic place, great people here and so supportive.

Ouch. I guess imo the question is are you happy with how it is. You're living together? or do you want marriage?

Understand your frustration when the communication shuts down, that often is a problem for people in all walks of life and I think in relationships it's a vital.

You've been together a long time intermittently, do you feel you'd be happy if you left? I figure you both have something good that bought you back together and that you've lasted quite a while but you're not sounding happy with how things are atm with him not wanting to do things

Don't know if you're in a position that you could go out with friends but I imagine it's him you want to spend the time with.

Hopefully you can get him talking honestly in the near future

Feel free to post anytime hun
Gl

[Little_lollipop]

Thanks so much for your reply!

I love him so much but I would rather he had just told me that he didn't want marriage instead of this. I am happy with the relationship itself. I just feel like I compromised and sacrificed so many things for him and he can't give me the one thing I asked for? I even gave up having another baby for him even though he knew I always wanted three. I guess I'm just at the end of my patience. I needed someone to talk to who isn't in my circle so it would be unbiased. I am holding a lot of resentment for my sacrifices so that doesn't really help. I just want to move on and not obsess over it!

[White_Rose]

Dear Lollipop

Welcome to Beyond Blue.

It seems that the real question is not about marriage but if your partner is prepared to consider your needs and make changes in his life to accommodate your needs. It isn't a one way street and neither is it keeping count of who gives what in which circumstances. Ideally marriage, and I include de facto marriages, is a relationship where the needs of both partners are considered important. There is often a lot of adjustment to be made when couples first come to live together and it needs goodwill from both to adjust to the changed circumstances.

You have been together for a long enough time to sort out these problems I would have thought. Yet there are two major areas where you have given up your hopes and dreams (marriage and 3rd baby) without being acknowledged. Do you feel loved and cared for? Do you think living your present lifestyle will make you happy for the rest of your life? What do you expect from marriage?

OK no need to answer here. Write it all down.

Love

Rosslyn

[demonblaster]

your welcome lolli

Yeah I'd be the same wanting to know where I stand

Don't blame you with the resentment, as Rose said too it's not only about one person, there's two of you in this.

My opinion you have every right to want some communication

thanks for reply 🙂