Parental alienation **Trigger Warning**

[ecomama]

This is such a difficult topic for those of us who've suffered from the abuse known as Parental Alienation. And abuse of their children.

For me it didn't happen ONLY from exH but his "allies" did alot too.

Tonight I am SO SAD about this. Eldest D blew up at me tonight about leaving all the children with abusive people, she said she hated me for what I had done. I didn't do anything. "Hate" is a banned word in our home - usually.

I NEVER knew they were being abused, how could I? NO ONE TOLD ME. Everything about the children under 18 has been reported to Police but for the adult children I offered to support them to report but they said no. Now this must have built up inside them and exploded again tonight.

I am powerless because I know nothing about that abuse and they have to report being over 18.

I didn't think my heart could break all over again about this but it has.

The outright lies the abusers told my children still linger in their minds. Some of these lies were said for over a decade and I only found out this year. The children were manipulated into believing them. Things changed when my youngest D studied "how to tell a liar" and proceeded to test both me and others for weeks, then she reported her 'findings' to us all at once. I passed every time. The abusers failed every time.

I fought for all the children in Courts and won 100% care but the damage is so deep.

I feel all the familiar feelings of depression and hopelessness flooding in. I'm trying to hold onto the MH gains I've made but omg this is horrifying to me and I feel devastated all over again.

It's like ALL the abuse they suffered is taken out on me. Angry outbursts from my children still at home has reduced to almost zero. I organised Counselling and we support each other. We have a calm life. Then the adult children come over and anger is infused here. Sometimes they haven't spoken to us (mostly me) for months at a time. Keeping the grandchildren away and doing other strange and horrible things that they know hurt me deeply.

I've given them everything I have. Years ago I was suicidal over this without knowing what was going on. The abusers had turned my entire extended family against me and my children also. I was so confused and completely alone.

If you've gone through this, did anything heal your relationships?

EM

[ecomama]

Shelll said:

Oh you are so beautiful Em, I love the way you express yourself. That is what I meant by you being colourful.

The part where you said you walked around and said "be done" sounds like a letting go of all those violent experiences. Be done with it, I shall remember no more. This will no longer affect my being. I am precious and then out springs a new life in you. A new life out of all the ruins. A freeing life, gone are all the shackles that held you back.

Shell

Thankyou Shelley, our Heliotrope Fairy 🧜‍♂️ I couldn't find a FAIRY! Darn it, so you have a Neptune I think lol.

I was pondering the LIFE in the garden as I wandered but the regeneration of things is pretty amazing.
I saw beautiful pink Fungus growing and I know the local mobs make teething rings for babies out of these.
They're so pretty. There were only 3 the other day but the heavy rain has made them multiply all over some of the dead branches.

So there's a place for life growing from things and as unwell as I feel, I have felt some improvement today.
I'm still seeing the GP for a procedure tomorrow. I know she'll decide on more tests.
I Pray I can heal from this too.

I'm excited about things in our future which is a comforting feeling.

Love EM

[ecomama]

Dear BB reader
If you're going thru P.A. please look after yourself with love, kindness and caring. Sending you love too. 💞 

I've checked back in on my Threads (haven't been on the forums for ages), then re-read this one. 

Life really is a journey. I've learnt so much mainly from studying about topics. 

One of my posts was about physical injuries re-surfacing, this makes sense with 'the body keeps score'.

I followed my amazing Counsellor's advice about my adult children and advised them to see a Psychologist (although that hurt to say and I expressed as much). 

The weird thing? Their way of "resolving" is purely what they saw modelled, I can't blame them (well I can but hey..).. also my C said that my kids must feel "safe enough" to open up to me, a strong consolation if this is true. 

My own lesson.. all things change and never stop changing(unless it's inanimate). Moving thru any challenges in life requires resilience. 
Be resilient. 
Love EM