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Not sure about female 'best friend'

Community Member

My male partner of 21 years has become 'best friends' with a female we have both been friends with for about 10 years. He assures me and also his mother that there is absolutely nothing more however I have 'broke into' and found 'love type quotes' on his phone that he sent to her, but says he is not in love with her. She is married and has told me she is not interested and does not want him.

I just cant get over the fact that he considers her 'his best friend'. He told me if I cant accept that, then our relationship is finished.

I am at the point that I think I want to put an end to our relationship and leave.

Am I over reacting?

4 Replies 4

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor
Hi TheMich,

When your partner lies and betrays you it hurts and puts a spanner in the works. He should be ashamed and remorseful. If he is genuinely sorry about lying to you and betraying your trust and works hard to rebuild the trust in the relationship I'd think he's learnt from what he has done and you could start over.

But, he doesn't sound like he is even sorry or thinks he has done anything wrong. I would also be questioning his loyalty.

I think he needs to really understand how this has effected you and made you question everything.

If he is genuinely sorry and remorseful you have something to work with but if he isn't whose to say he hasn't done this before, or will do this again.

A relationship councillor could help.

I wish U all the best.

Thanks. he said he is sorry for sending the quotes but his excuse was he was drunk and lonely. I think he is only sorry as he got caught. he cant see anything wrong with them as they were to his 'best friend' which according to him is a different love. Doesnt make me feel very good. also doesnt help that they work at the same place!

Hi TheMich,

I don't think you have anything to worry about on her end. As she said she is married, not interested and doesn't want him.

He reminds me of my ex who used to do the same thing with multiple woman when " drunk and lonely"....still, it's no excuse and I think you need to set boundaries.

Let him know how it makes you feel. And I think you'll feel better if he ensures it won't happen again. He is crossing a line. How would he feel if the situation were reversed and you wrote love type quotes to your best friend. Would he accept that?

yes I hope you are right. he uses Snapchat! and no I dont think he would accept it.