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No support from my husband

Community Member
I got diagnosed with BPD 7 years ago and my husband believes that mental health disorders aren’t real and just a way to make money from drugs etc. every time I tell him I need support, just for him to listen, he ends up getting defensive and factual and says if I can’t control what’s going on in my head then I’m weak. Does anyone have any opinions on this. How to get him to see things differently.
3 Replies 3

Community Champion
Community Champion

Dear Ajs1991~

Welcome here to the forum where you will most certainly be understood. It is bad enough trying to cope with BPD without such negative lack of support.

You are not weak, you are unlucky in that illness has struck you and you can no more ignore it or behave as if it did not exist than if you had any other serious illness.

Some people have no experience of mental illness, nothing to fall back on to help them understand. Sadly many of these people just make their minds up and refuse to budge. Perhaps they don't like a feeling of uncertainty, perhaps not knowing what to do or say. Whatever the reason their closed minds end up causing harm, as in your case. You need love, understanding and support, not doubt and unfeeling criticism.

Sometimes if things are explained by someone they respect, or by a professional then something might sink in. There is certainly plenty of information, just reading The Facts Menu above has that, but I'm not sure showing it to him would do much good if he is into conspiracy theories about drug prices.

Sometimes a popular figure's struggles with something like depression can make people relate - does your husband follow a sport where this might be the case? It happens wiht celebrities from politicians and footballers to policemen and actors - and in every other walk of life.

With BPD you do need support - of course - is there anyone else in your life to care and understand? A family member or friend?


Community Member

Hi Ajs1991,

I agree with everything Croix said. It can be really hard fighting your own battle, and then having to try and explain that battle to someone else - especially if they’re not open minded/are set in their own ideas.

I just wanted to add in that I know of people who have been in similar situations, and their GP/psychologist/psychiatrist has offered to talk to their partner/family to help them better understand what you are going to through, as well as letting them know where they can access more information/support if they need it.

unicornprincess x

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Good Morning Ajs, and can I give a warm welcome to the forum.

You have an illness and please don't ever think you're weak in any circumstance.

Mental disorders are as real as physical diseases and by being diagnosed allows you to get the care you desperately need.

Your husband has to realise that a mental illness doesn't necessarily explain a person's symptoms, it can only try and describe them but sometimes this falls on deaf ears.

His lack of understanding isn’t going to make things better it only makes it worse and if he's had an accident, then you can't feel his pain but respond to him with compassion to something that you don't actually feel, that's being supportive and he's not.

Ask him if any of his mates have been feeling low and to believe that if you 'can’t control what’s going on in your head then you're weak'.

I only want him to support you, that's exactly what you want and yes it would be a good idea for him to go with you to your next appointment as mentioned above.

Your struggle doesn’t mean that you don't have people who want to support you, sometimes the ones we love unfortuately aren't able to do this, but please never feel alone.