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No friends, no boyfriend, no social life...what am i doing wrong?

Community Member

Hi all,

So i'm the type of person who is quite shy when meeting new people and i find this make people loose interest in me quickly. I don't have any friends from childhood because coming from an airforce family i was at a different school every two years. I also seem to think differently from most people, so im not interested in most social fads (twitter, instagram etc, ), i have a completely different sense of humour from most people and i hate public events and crowds.

as it stands im 28 have no friends, rarely had a boyfriend and i can't figure out how to change this. its not like im not trying. I'm part of a trivia team and a dragon boat team, i walk around sydney most weekends with a walking group but all i ever seem to make are acquaintences. I try my best to make friendships but i often find myself with no one to hang out with or feeling alone in a crowd. I'm not the kind of person people invite to an event or the kind of person people contact on a rainy sunday to hang out with. No one seems to care if i'm ok.

I feel completely invisible and i don't know what im doing wrong. As a result i feel painfully lonely most of the time and i spend a lot of evening crying and feeling nothing but self pity and self loathing.

i know my problems are small compared to some thing other people on here are dealing with, and i hate to make a fuss, but i was hoping i could get some advice?

15 Replies 15

Community Member

Hi invisible girl,

I'm new to these forums too. Just been reading a few stories before getting around to posting my own.

All I can say is, you are not alone. I come from a similar background, Airforce family, no childhood friends. I'm 38 now and I feel exactly the same way.

You are not alone and it is good to hear that you are getting some help.

All the best

Community Member

First of all you ain't invisible. I see you. I read your message and I know it was a year ago so I hope you're all good now..but if you are still feeling lonely, know that there are millions of friends out there you havnt met yet! I live in Sydney too, I know it can be a cold place, even though it's the summer land, and I would so happy to hang out and catch up and be an ear to lend. I stumbled on this post and created an account to write this message. Im 29 and have a lot of friends and a very active social life, but there are very few REAL friends that I cherish and always will. It's not how many friends you have it's the people you really connect with that matter. You will find those people. There's no rush.

so I've put it out there, if you ever need anyone to talk to I am here! i live in Sydney too!

All the best and good luck

jason bray

Community Member

Invisible Girl, welcome to the forums. The good the bad and the ugly just like a Client Eastwood move. I at one point have a great life I had a good job and a good wife, then both my wife and I were made redundant and we had to re-skills and take new directions. I started shift work as a security officer and my wife was working as a helper for aged carers. My wife found dealing with people dying not really good and soon left that role and became extremely depressed and sad as she found it hard to get a job at 45. She became addicted to anti depression mess and had a meltdown. I was left to work the equivalent of 2 jobs to pay the bills and run the house so I was never at home I had to pay for some one to mind my wife 2 times a week. That's the short. My wife made a come back and found gym the out doors and being a life coach amazing, my wife now has dementia and is in a home. I am 50 and for the last two years have been fighting separation anxiety and a big feeling of lost. I also no eat right go to gym, ride my Harley and force myself to get out of the apartment and socially be with people. I pay role playing games some thing I was made fun of for as long as I can recall. I have a group of friends I ride with and a group I run with from the gym. But I had to get off the couch and really force myself to do anything. We are our own worst enemy. I am mostly happy and work hard still doing security. The bad thing is no one is going to push you you have to do it you self. Make a list of the 10 things you like to do. Then if you had to chose 3 to do before the zombie apocalypse circle them. That's your answer.

Community Member
Hey invisible girl I'm 40 with no friend's either I find every person I meet want use me but in saying that ive really never had any real friend's since high school or though life who want to just hang out or go for beer or walk up here in Qld

Community Champion
Community Champion

Hello Hamo78a,

Welcome to Beyond Blue Forums,

Im really very sorry that your struggling with loneliness, I also struggle so much with loneliness..it’s a horrible feeling isn’t it...

Hamo, You have landed on a quiet thread, to get the support that you so really deserve I’m wondering if you would like to start your own thread up. That way you will have a number of people coming in to talk to you and support you....

If you go to Welcome and orientation that should explain how to start up your own thread.....Once you do so, if you want to come back here and tell me your thread title I’ll pop over and support you along with the others that will call in to you’re very own thread...

Kind thoughts...


Hey Invisible girl. I'm 31 and only have one close friend but have struggled to find new friends for years. It's a tough situation to be in and all I can say is try a meetup site that's on the web and see if you can fit in to some of those groups. I started my own group and have met 2 lovely married women and was good to meet them. It's hard so maybe give that a go you'll never know you may decide to join my group. Goodluck..