No family, no close friends or others

[blueraven]

Hi, because of my toxic family situation I had to leave them. I found myself among some toxic people after that several times over and learnt the lesson that I had to leave them too. I now live by myself and other than 2 not-so-close friends, I don't really have any other friends. I've tried getting closer to these friends but they have their own problems. I feel so alien, like there's no way I'll ever be able to have a close family-like group of friends or a partner, even though that's what I ultimately want. I put it off for many years because I was doing my own healing work, but each year that passes by the more alien and undeserving I feel. Now with covid also, it's getting very hard to meet others. I don't feel capable of working. I do have professional support, that's about it.

I was wondering if anyone else is in the same boat? No one close. Is it possible to live like this? If I died perhaps no one would even notice for days...

[Juliet_84]

Hi blueraven,

Firstly I just wanted to say that I love the name you’ve chosen and the photo, it’s so beautiful. Your post really resonated with me. I grew up with an abusive/toxic parent, and then was in an abusive relationship for many years. Otherwise I have gone through life not connecting with people or perhaps being scared of letting my guard down and connecting with people because they invariably hurt me or let me down. I am now in a relationship with someone who I thought was my best friend, who I finally was able to let my guard down with, we really get on and have bought a house together and moved away. But it turns out that he’s an alcoholic so that seems doomed as well. I have a sister who I love dearly but she lives hours away and has her own life. Everyone has their own life, but I just seemed destined for unhappiness. But I am trying to turn my luck around. I play sport a few times a week to try and meet people and have met some friends on an app. So I am not giving up just yet.

[Hanna3]

Hi all,

There are such lovely sounding people on this thread!

My home life growing up was abusive and my two older brothers and I are estranged. I'm so sad about that it's beyond words.

I'm not married and no children. I think the abuse we grew up with wrecked our chances of having good relationships. My eldest brother is married but I haven't seen him or his daughters - my nieces - in about 20 years. My other brother is single and I don't know where he lives.

I've tried reaching out over and over but it's no good as they don't want to keep in touch at all.

I concentrate on trying to keep a couple of good friends now. But I do worry about getting old alone as I'm not young any more! It's tough.

I just wonder why so many lovely sounding people like the ones posting here are in this situation. It makes no sense...

I'm so glad we can share our experiences here.

Heck we all sound like decent people who deserve better!

Hugs all round to everyone!

🙂🐕💐💞🌻🌿💗

[Starface]

This is very similar to my situation. Due to severe abuse, and neglect in childhood, I have not seen my parents for more than 15 years now. I haven't seen any relative of mine for 3 years. I have had what I imagined were good friends in the past, but they never really liked me. I always put in a lot of effort into those friendships, I did heaps of babysitting and other favors for them. But I eventually came to realize that the existence of those friendships depended on mostly upon me. I honestly don't really believe that I could have a close relationship with anyone. I feel that a lot of people find the basic realities of my life difficult to hear, so they find it emotionally taxing to be around me. And I don't work, which I suppose further isolates me. I'm in my thirties. On the positive side, I live in a place where I feel some sense of connection. I live in a university college. Most of the people who live here are much younger than me, but I have some friends amongst them. I have lived here for a year now. And I attend a weekly meditation group in town, and I feel some sense of connectedness there. And I have some other enjoyable things in my life that I can be grateful for, like my studies, and bushwalks. And I like singing. 

[Lostinspace1960]

Blueraven, I know your pain. I am an older man , never married ,always been single. Too ugly for Australian women. Physically, financially, emotionally, intellectually, Never ever good enough. No family , no friends .

Always alienated at work. Never included in sports or social activities, always feeling the odd one out. We try hard to be considerate of others yet feel mistreated by the others. Always moving around to try to find a place in the world. We excell at various activities only to be left out because we are too good. But if you don't achieve you are a loser. Sound familiar?.

I have no idea what it feels like to be the love interest of another. I have tried many avenues of interaction only to be disappointed by shallow people.

My health has deteriorated recently and had to move for medical services, only to be more isolated than ever.

I know where you are coming from, I can only say don't give up. 

Stay in this world if only for yourself.

It is a struggle each day to validate existence, only to see the next day. Yes, who will miss us if we are not here.

No one. So be here for you.

I don't see anyone in my future, we are here for a very short time.

My poor old mother one day said, I don't want to be here anymore. I showed her the obituary column. She asked why. I said because those that are gone will swap places in a flash for all your woes and ills. I can only say again, I know your angst and fears, keep going no matter how bad. You must feel strong ebb and flow of emotions, not sure what is coming next. 

I hope you can hold onto your own heart and keep going.

Lostinspace1960

[Earth Girl]

Hi blueraven,

I can relate. My family situation isn't as bad as yours is, but my parents and I barely talk to each other and I don't like the way they treat me behind closed doors. They also bullied me a lot growing up and they don't care all too much about my problems such as bullying. We don't really have much of a relationship. I have had friends, but I wasn't close with any of them and a lot of them were more like bullies than friends. My younger sister has been shutting me out for several years as well. I relied a lot on my psychologist because she was pretty much all I had other than forums.

When it comes to the friends you have who you want to get closer to, maybe you could ask them if there is anything you can do to help them with their problems because that might help with the friendship. It will be harder on you because you're already going through a lot, but I think it will be worth it in the long run and your friends would probably really appreciate it. Don't give up on trying to make strong, close, healthy relationships because I'm sure it will happen when the time is right and it will be worth it. I still haven't given up on trying to make these types of friendships. 

I use to feel so alone in feeling alone, but I found out a lot of people are actually in the same situation of not having any close friends and not being close at all with their family so that made me feel a bit better knowing that there's a lot of other people in the same boat. It is still hard though.

Also, you need to remember that just because you don't have any close friends and your family is toxic, it doesn't mean you are undeserving of love and new relationships. My sister told me that a lot of people who are really mean have a lot of friends lol so you can't put your worth on how many good relationships you have.