Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

No family, no close friends or others

Community Member

Hi, because of my toxic family situation I had to leave them. I found myself among some toxic people after that several times over and learnt the lesson that I had to leave them too. I now live by myself and other than 2 not-so-close friends, I don't really have any other friends. I've tried getting closer to these friends but they have their own problems. I feel so alien, like there's no way I'll ever be able to have a close family-like group of friends or a partner, even though that's what I ultimately want. I put it off for many years because I was doing my own healing work, but each year that passes by the more alien and undeserving I feel. Now with covid also, it's getting very hard to meet others. I don't feel capable of working. I do have professional support, that's about it.

I was wondering if anyone else is in the same boat? No one close. Is it possible to live like this? If I died perhaps no one would even notice for days...

12 Replies 12

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Hi blueraven,

Firstly I just wanted to say that I love the name you’ve chosen and the photo, it’s so beautiful. Your post really resonated with me. I grew up with an abusive/toxic parent, and then was in an abusive relationship for many years. Otherwise I have gone through life not connecting with people or perhaps being scared of letting my guard down and connecting with people because they invariably hurt me or let me down. I am now in a relationship with someone who I thought was my best friend, who I finally was able to let my guard down with, we really get on and have bought a house together and moved away. But it turns out that he’s an alcoholic so that seems doomed as well. I have a sister who I love dearly but she lives hours away and has her own life. Everyone has their own life, but I just seemed destined for unhappiness. But I am trying to turn my luck around. I play sport a few times a week to try and meet people and have met some friends on an app. So I am not giving up just yet.

Community Member

Hi all,

There are such lovely sounding people on this thread!

My home life growing up was abusive and my two older brothers and I are estranged. I'm so sad about that it's beyond words.

I'm not married and no children. I think the abuse we grew up with wrecked our chances of having good relationships. My eldest brother is married but I haven't seen him or his daughters - my nieces - in about 20 years. My other brother is single and I don't know where he lives.

I've tried reaching out over and over but it's no good as they don't want to keep in touch at all.

I concentrate on trying to keep a couple of good friends now. But I do worry about getting old alone as I'm not young any more! It's tough.

I just wonder why so many lovely sounding people like the ones posting here are in this situation. It makes no sense...

I'm so glad we can share our experiences here.

Heck we all sound like decent people who deserve better!

Hugs all round to everyone!


Community Member
This is very similar to my situation. Due to severe abuse, and neglect in childhood, I have not seen my parents for more than 15 years now. I haven't seen any relative of mine for 3 years. I have had what I imagined were good friends in the past, but they never really liked me. I always put in a lot of effort into those friendships, I did heaps of babysitting and other favors for them. But I eventually came to realize that the existence of those friendships depended on mostly upon me. I honestly don't really believe that I could have a close relationship with anyone. I feel that a lot of people find the basic realities of my life difficult to hear, so they find it emotionally taxing to be around me. And I don't work, which I suppose further isolates me. I'm in my thirties. On the positive side, I live in a place where I feel some sense of connection. I live in a university college. Most of the people who live here are much younger than me, but I have some friends amongst them. I have lived here for a year now. And I attend a weekly meditation group in town, and I feel some sense of connectedness there. And I have some other enjoyable things in my life that I can be grateful for, like my studies, and bushwalks. And I like singing.