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No contact and anxiety

Community Member


I am currently on a no contact break with my partner. We care about each other a lot but he has a hard time getting through something personal and so we decided not to be together and not to talk so he has all the time to focus on himself. I am fully supportive because I love him a lot but I am getting really anxious about the no contact phase. I am wondering whether he is thinking about me at all or whether he may lose his feelings for me. How should I deal with this and has anyone ever had experience with this. I try to read about it but there is only information about no contact with ex boyfriends. We are not exes and we had zero problems, we just have to have this break. We have not been together for a year yet but we have had a great relationship. He just needs to deal with his personal issues.

Is it possible that he thinking of me but wants to make this work really well? He is very determined, so i could imagine he is trying his best to focus on what he needs to do. But I am scared about not knowing.

5 Replies 5

Community Member

Hi AussieGal81,

Thank you for sharing this with us. It sounds like a very painful time for you right now.

I can really hear in your post how much you care for and support your partner, and really want him to get through his personal issue. It sounds like you have had a great relationship so far, so it is understandable that you are feeling really uncertain and worried now that you have no communication with someone who has been such an important part of your life.

Is it okay to ask a little more about the break - like how long it has been since you have had contact with your partner? And whether you agreed when you would contact each other again, or whether it was left open?

It's great that you've tried to do some research about how to manage these kinds of situations, but it seems like there isn't much out there that is relevant. Can I ask if you have been able to discuss how you are feeling with any support networks (like friends or family)?

I'm also wondering how you would feel about potentially seeing someone, like psychologist or counsellor, to talk through some of your concerns? They might be able to give you some strategies to manage your anxiety around the uncertainty of this situation.

Looking forward to hearing from you if you would like to reply.

- Marie (:

Community Member

Hey there, I habe similar issues and am desperate for advice. My other half and I am just about to finish no contact. He also has issues to work through,i.e. his past marriage breakdown. Although he ended it, he hasn't got through everything and we started seeing each other early after his separation. I have no doubt that he loves me because all the signs show he does. I love him too. He needs space to work through his pains so we decided not to see each other for a few weeks and we did not speak for about 2 weeks. Now we are talking again becsuse we will be seeing each other at various events. We spoke on the phone twice yesterday because we were both looking for reasons to call each other. It was lovely and we laughed a lot. And although he said he missed me and thought a lot about me, he said he feels confused because the situation is so confusing. I'm not sure how to take that. I can understand that it may be confusing to grieve a marriage and be so happy with someone else,do you think that's what he means? What do I do to make it easier for him. We will see each other regularly, whether we want to or not. And he likes seeing me. But I feel he wants more space to keep the two separate. How do I ensure I'm not accidentally in his face too much although I will have to be around him regularly (and of course we love it but it seems to blur the lines. I don't want to lose him jist because he's overwhlemed, I'd rather do the right thing from the start. We are great together and want a future together. But his confusion scares me and I feel I need to walk on eggshells.

Community Member

Hi Gigi1981,

Thank you for sharing this part of your life with us and apologies for my delayed response.

I can really hear in your post that care deeply for your partner and that you really value the relationship - it sounds like you bring a lot of joy to each others lives, especially in what might be a difficult time for him with his marriage breakdown.

At the same time, it seems like there is also a lot of uncertainty around what is the best way to move forward with your relationship. I understand that you want to do the right thing by your partner and respect what his needs are. But I also think that your own needs and feelings are important in the relationship and that they might not be prioritised if you feel like you are constantly walking on eggshells.

I wonder if it would be possible to approach your partner about having an open conversation around what you both need and expect from the relationship? It could be possible to do this with the help of a relationship counsellor, if you feel that could be helpful.

Is it okay to ask how things have been since you made your post and whether you and your partner have resumed contact?

Looking forward to hearing from you if you would like to reply.

- Marie (:

Community Member
Its difficult hey . Im in a similar situation

It's very difficult, and I feel for you, Dave. We have been going a few weeks and we see each other at work. But that doesn't make anything easier. We flirt and laugh but it hurts not to meet outside of work or to have any personal interaction really. My partner decided that he cannot move on so he is meeting his ex over this whole weekend. She is staying in the marital home (separate rooms but anyway). My heart is burning. He sounded positive on the not wanting to get back to the ex front but I am terrified that he will be guilt-tripped into giving it another chance. I am having a terrible weekend. Also, since he is depressed and feels stuck in his attempts to move on, our "relationship" feels very one-sided. I pursue him and support him like crazy but I don't think he even knows how painful this is for me because I keep up the smiley appearance to support him. I am starting to lose hope. Clearly I am not enough to convince him I am worth a future.