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Newbie here need some advise

Community Member

Hi there, im new to this and needing advise. Hope im in the right section.

Recently, just broke up with the love of my life and fiancé of 5 years engaged for 4. We have a young boy together who is 4 years old. I also have another boy from my previous relationship who is 6.

Iwill start from the very beginning. When we first started dating i did everything any normal relationships would do cute dates, loving, caring made her feel safe all of that.

First few months were the best days of my life, then it or should i say i started to change started talking too my ex's again telling them they were beautiful ect.

So to put a long story short i cheated on her ( didnt actually sleep with them ) just kept saying how beautiful they were sending x's and o's to them but didnt say any of that stuff too the girl i was dating.

We got through it and still continued to date and eventually having a baby together. It was all good until i started working i would do as above again but to a staff member. She told me too stop talking to her and i did but then i started talking to her again and again.

This hurt my fiancé bad and i did that to her i put her through that and i shouldnt of we had already gone through enough with my oldest sons mother who kept trying to break us up pretty much every week.

So recently of the past two months she would always want to get out of the house wouldnt come back until 2 or 3 am in the morning or sometimes didn't come back at all after i had enough two times i decided too just drive past where she was staying. At first i was ohk yeah she is there (friend one) and didn't think anything of it. but the second time (different house friend two) i seen her car out the front but then realized that there was also another car the same car from friend ones house that i didnt really take notice of the first time. Skip a few days her and i broke up went back to the house to get my fishing rod and noticed that, that same car is at the front of were i used too live.

I was shocked i thought of the worst straight away. I knocked on the door and i just went blank shaking badly to the point it scared her and i didnt even notice i did that. Never wanted to scare her in any way shape or form.

She told me that nothing is going on they're just friends ect.

But im writing because i want help for me because there is alot more to this story than i can write in this little box

3 Replies 3

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hi Guest,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forum and to the community here.

Have you and your partner tried talking about what is happening here with a counsellor or has she left you for good?

Do you know why you have these issues with wanting to be in contact with other women? It may help you to see a psychologist to chat with them about this. There may be some issue from your past that makes you act this way.

Are you wanting to get back with this lady?

I'm just wondering where your 4 year old son is in all of this. Do you still see him?

As you mentioned there is a lot happening there in your life. I really do think it would be beneficial for you to chat with a counsellor if possible, they may be able to help you sort things out in your mind.

Are you saying that your ex now has a male friend living in the house you used to live in together? That would be a hard situation to comprehend.

Hope you are able to find some answers in all of this. I'm going to be off line for a couple of weeks so hope someone else picks this up and has a chat with you.

Cheers, from Mrs. Dools

Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello Guest

Good to have on the forum and welcome. You have received a great reply from Mrs Dools.

If your relationship has broken down terminally, maybe you need to accept this and move on. Given your history I suspect you will continue to be in contact with other women and may never form a solid relationship with someone. It seems to me that you need to discover why you are attracted to other women so consistently before you start another long term relationship or repair the current one. It does appear to be at the heart of your problems.

You are aware of how your behaviour affects your various partners but continue with the behaviour. It seems like an addiction. What do you think?Do you want to have a monogamous relationship? I wonder if there is some fear in you about this. Maybe you are just not ready to settle down. Whatever it is that leads you to continue to hurt your partners I suggest needs to be explored.

How do you see your life in the future? What ambitions do you have? May I ask about how you grew up?

Do you have any interests or hobbies? Something you are interested in rather than the conversations with women. Perhaps it would help to talk with a psychologist or psychiatrist. First you need to make an appointment to see your GP who will take it from there.

At the moment you are in a lot of pain and I do hope you can find relief soon. But it is also a time for your to reflect on your life, which you done with insight above. I urge you to keep moving forward and use this time to find help for yourself.

I hope you will respond and tell me how you are coping. Also let us know if there is any way we can help you more. We are always here.


Community Member

Reply to Mrs. Dool

I want for her and i too seek help i dont know if she has left me for good as if yet, she just tells me that she needs some space.

Yes im going to be seeking help from a counsellor, i want the help so i can over come all of this and be a better sronger person than ever.

My 4 year old is still with mum, but her and i have made an agreement that i have 50% care.

I dont know if he is living there. But i do know he goes there alot. But even that is hard to comprehend. I get a suckling feeling in my gut just knowing.

How i was brought up. Well my dad was always away working mum had the all kids cleaning up the house ect. But i also remember that it seemed like a loveless marriage.

Thank you for your reply.

Reply to white rose

History doesn't make the man how he was yesterday the same as tomorrow. He can change he needs the push in the right direction.

I haven't spoke to any female like that in quite some time now. I dont fear being in a long term relationship. But you are right i need to find out why i did those things. Yes i want a monogamous relationship. Especially with the ex.

thank you for your reply as well and i will definitely be in touch