New Here, lost everyone and everything
Hi, I have been delt with some hard blows over the years, but nothing compares to the last one. I was happily married for 12 yrs and had 3 wonderful boy's, my marriage ended due to him cheating and playing mind games with me. That is when I was diognosed with major depression. I had full custody of the boys, but suffering depression and losing my childhood sweetheart (husband)I was struggling badly. I met someone 2 years later who I thought was a good person, I ended up being pregnant and in a domestic voilence relationship it was horrible, due to this my ex husband tried to used this against me to take the boys, but I stayed strong even tho I still had deppression. The birth of my little boy brought joy to my life , which ended the day I came home from the hospital to be greeted by family services which my ex husband called about my 3 sons and my new baby. I couldn't fight him no more as I was dignosed with post natal deppression as well. I let them go to live with there dad and I would have them weekends. It did not turn out that way I never seen them again until 12yrs later. I felt as if I died inside. The father of my newborn went to jail and this was the time for me to escape that relationship. My little boy and my parents were my saviours throughout those years and I even started my own successful business I was finally independent and confident then I met wonderful man in 2009 and married In 2010 which now brings me to the present. A year ago my dad was diognosed with terminal bowel cancer he past away in July 2015 this was horrific to witness because at the same time I seen different side to my mother before my dad died she was so nasty and cruel to him when he was sick and she didn't like my older estranged sisters and I paying any attention to him. I was so destress I started distancing myself from everyone my business, my husband who also starting acting strange and didn't seem to care in what was going on with me. Then 2 nights before my dad passed the whole family was called to the nursing home, I was the last to arrive, when I walked not the room I burst into tears and could not stop crying , my mother was looking at me with disgust in her eyes and wouldn't Come over hug or comfort me. After the furnal I didn't want to see my mother again. I lost my home 2 weeks later due to lease ending then 1 week later my husband left me for someone else and cleaned me out of everything when I was at my lowest point. Why? I'm feel so ashamed
Hello Foreverwondering, welcome to the forum. It takes courage and strength to reach out for support in times like this, so well done to you. You've made a brave and wise choice.
Firstly, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Life seems to have dealt you some cruel blows and I am sorry for your pain and your loss. Families and relationships can be so hard some times, it's hard to work out what happens to make things go wrong. It sounds to me like you're feeling overwhelmed by all that has happened, and you're grieving. I know for me, when one bad thing happens, it seems to bring back all the bad things that have happened in the past, and it's so hard to see your way through them.
When that happens for me, I try very hard, with mixed success I admit, to cling to the good things in life. To remember when I felt strong. You have given the world three young people, you have been a supportive family member and you have run a business. And now, when things are not good, you've reached out here. There is strength, courage and love inside you that made those things possible.
It must be hard this time of year. Do you have plans for Christmas?
Have you considered getting some professional help, calling a counselling service or such? It might help you to sort through everything and maybe put some things back in the past where they belong.
Very best wishes to you, and please keeping talking here. It really does help.
No I haven't seeked help as yet, I find it hard to leave the house because of my anxiety attacks. I find it extremely hard talking about it. I start crying all the time.
I am having a breakfast at home with my sons and there girlfriends for xmas.
Thankyou for your kind words