My story start around a month before our second daughters first birthday. My relationship with my partner hadn't been getting much attention due to my work and study, the two kids 3 and 1 and her study and rehearsals she was doing for 2 performances she had coming up. The whole year was a write off really. I had made her strawberrys dipped in chocolate to surprise her when she got home. She told me the sight of what I had done made her feel sick because it was a very lovely gesture but she no longer wanted to be with me. We tried to discuss this issue and things got overheated by both of us which ended in her kicking me out of the house. I stayed away only visiting the house to see my kids and we both apologised but she was not prepared to work things out.
I convinced her to let me come home and be with the kids over Xmas. We all had a great time and even went away for a holiday for a week after Xmas. Things were looking up. When we returned home I asked if I should pack up my things and move out properly but she wanted to speak with her psychologist first. I waited the 2 days as I thought she must be reconsidering and wanted to discuss it first. Once she had spoken to the psychologist she came back and said her psychologist suggests the we don't continue the relationship which I thought was a fairly odd. Nevertheless I did not fight this time I packed my things and left.
At the moment I have the kids 5 days a week but she wants to see them more and contacts me almost every day, at one point to ask how I was doing with everything. She's gone from relationship to happy co-parenting over night and wants to do mediation which I have refused to do at this point because she is refusing to work on the relationship.
I'm grieving the relationship, my work and social life is suffering. I want my partner and my family back together and shift our focus onto what is important but she will not partake. Only a month or two before at a wedding she has asked me when we would get married. She says she has been unhappy since before the birth of our second daughter but I don't believe it to be true. It's been found out she has extremely low iron and has for awhile. She says she needs space to find herself again and in 6 or 12 months may assess the situation if she sees positive changes I make within myself aswell. By this time I feel it will be too late to save the relationship as all the pain and adjustment will be over.
thanks for reading if you got this far.
Hello and welcome to the forum. This is a caring, friendly and supportive community. You have made the first step in reaching out by writing your post.
This must be so confusing for you. I can see you want to save the relationship or at least work out what she changed her mind.
The sentence your very first one, is the one that really speaks to me : "My story start around a month before our second daughters first birthday"
You say that you don't believe that she was unhappy since the birth of your second daughter. I obviously don't know her but I know that having a second child and then doing study and rehearsals and performances would be very exhausting. As you said- the whole year was a right off.
Is she refusing to go to a relationship counsellor with you?
Thanks for sharing your story.
I convinced her to go to relationship councilling but in the first session the councillor assessed how much we both wanted the relationship to work and how much effort we each wanted to put in. Then told us we were wasting our time continuing because my partners scores were 3 and 2 out of 10.